Love Lost and Found
by tracyh
Summary: Ever wondered what made James Potter grow up in his 7th year at Hogwarts? Ever wondered what made Lily Evans change her mind about him? Wonder no more. please read and review.
1. A Shock In The Post

Disclaimer: No I'm not the great JK, but then you already know that! Please read and review.

**Love Lost and Found**

**CHAPTER ONE: A SHOCK IN THE POST**

James Potter woke that morning with the same nervous sensation in his stomach that he'd had for the last week. In fact, he'd had it for most of the summer, but as the end of the holidays grew closer, the feeling was getting worse. He tried to shake it off, he was being silly he told himself, everything would be fine, and anyway, the end was weeks, months away, a lot could change in that time. He tried to stop thinking about it. There was no point. But even so, the thought wouldn't go away.

This was James's last year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. This was the year James would sit his NEWTs, the exams that would decide his whole future. The exams would decide whether or not James could fulfil his dream of going into three years training to become an Auror, that special group of people most closely involved in fighting the one who was intent on ruining the lives of as many people as he could, and destroying altogether, the lives of many more. James shuddered with disgust at the thought of this man, this thing, who brought carnage in his wake.

Voldemort was the man James shuddered at the thought of. He was the darkest wizard who had ever lived. He had made himself famous, or rather, infamous, by torturing and murdering anyone who stood in his way. Anyone who didn't bend to Voldemort's will was disposed of, usually in ways too revolting to think of. Anyone of the wrong sort, in Voldemort's eyes, was fair game, even people considered to be of the right sort, Purebloods such as James' family, a family of wizards for generations, was not safe really, because they would refuse, if it came to it, to play Volemort's repulsive games. The Potters were not only known for their relative wealth, they lived in a house that was large enough, by most people's standards, to be considered palatial, they had money in the bank; they were also known for detesting the Dark Arts. James's father was an Auror, part of the reason James had chosen this particular career path, and worked for the Ministry of Magic. He said often that he'd die before he'd give in to Voldemort. James knew that his father meant what he said, and he also knew that if he was called on to make the same sacrifice, he would do it. He had once heard a Muggle phrase that struck him as true 'It is better to die on your feet than live on your knees'. James knew he could never bow to Voldemort, even if it meant certain death.

However, Voldemort wasn't really James's reason for being anxious. It wasn't even the thought of the exams before the end of the year. His mind wandered to his friends, a group of young men around the same age as him – just turned 17 - he'd known since starting school. There was Sirius Black, a tall, dark, handsome young man who attracted the opposite sex like bees to a honey pot. James once asked him how many girls he'd been out with since he'd started school, 'Dunno', he'd shrugged, 'Probably something like 35'. Since Sirius seemed to have a new girl every month, James knew that was a very rough guess – still, at least Sirius could never be accused of exaggerating his pulling power, James smiled to himself. Sirius was James's best friend. They'd been inseparable since they'd first met when they were 11. Sirius had even lived with the Potters for a short while, only moving out recently. He'd had to move in really, it was a case of life and death. The Black family lived up to their name, and were up to their eyes in the Dark Arts – accept for Sirius, which is why they treated him as an outsider - even going as far as blasting him off the family tapestry, along with a few others who were considered to be 'blood traitors,' because they mixed with Muggle-borns – witches and wizards born of non-magic people - and half-bloods. Sirius said that if he didn't get out of his family's way soon either they would kill him or he'd be forced to defend himself and would end up killing one of them. 'Not that I'd mind', he'd grinned, 'But I don't fancy spending years in Azkaban…..not for one of them'. So he moved in with the Potters. James and Sirius were as close as brothers now, and Sirius even called James's parents Mum and Dad, and they regarded him as another son. He'd moved out just a few weeks ago. A relative, 'One of the ones you won't find on the tapestry' Sirius supplied nonchalantly, had died, leaving Sirius enough money to get a flat of his own and live fairly comfortably, at least until he finished his education and could support himself. James knew that Sirius would want to be completely independent as soon as possible. He couldn't stand the idea of being hemmed in, either financially or personally. He thought that to be answerable to anyone, even the terms of a will, was a bit like being in prison, only with nicer surroundings. James had laughed at that one – Sirius couldn't possibly know prison was like; he'd never been near a prison in his life.

James's mind wandered to his other friends. Peter Pettigrew was a short, plump boy with slightly buck teeth and a tendency to squeak when he was nervous. Peter was something of an oddball. Half the reason James and Sirius took him under their wing was because they felt sorry for him. He was pleasant enough in an odd sort of way, but he was slow to catch on to things. Peter was one of those people you could tell a joke to and he would get it…eventually. The thing was, by the time Peter got a joke it had usually stopped being remotely funny. Peter hero-worshipped James and Sirius and in spite of his shortcomings, James knew that Peter took the friendship seriously and was entirely trustworthy.

Then there was Remus Lupin. Remus was easily the most studious of the four, and was the only one who was as likely to be found in the library as the Common Room at school. He was a skinny young man, who had the appearance of someone older than his years. His clothes seemed to hang off him; he looked worn out most of the time. The odd times he looked well transformed him, and made him appear handsome, not in the striking way that Sirius was, or even in the youthful, sporty way that James was, but handsome in a mature way, like a man who'd gone straight from being a child to being middle-aged. Even when he looked well his eyes never lost a sad look, like he had a pain somewhere and couldn't get rid of it. Remus also had a problem the others had done everything in their power to help him with, a problem that affected them all at a certain time of the month, something that if it got out to the wrong people could ruin his life and could easily get his friends locked up – or at least their way of supporting him could. The problem had led to a particular tree being planted in the grounds of Hogwarts, a measure that had helped, but would never really make that much difference.

The four of them had christened themselves The Marauders, and were considered to be the best pranksters Hogwarts had ever known, and the coolest people to hang around with. They'd done just about everything in the book, and probably invented a few things that weren't. They had principles though, and didn't pull pranks on people who didn't deserve it - not any more. But there was one person who always deserved it. James's mind leapt to his favourite victim, assuming victim was the right word….Severus Snape and James Potter were known to loathe one another. Snape was a greasy haired teenager who rather resembled a bat. He would storm down the corridors of Hogwarts, his black robes swishing behind him, shoving anyone who was in his way. He was also up to his eyeballs in the Dark Arts, drawing clear distinctions, like Voldemort, between anyone who was not of the right type. James winced as he remembered in the fifth year, after an OWLs exam, ironically enough, Defence Against The Dark Arts, when Snape had called a pretty redhead 'a mudblood'. James hated that vile expression. It was the derogatory term used for Muggle-borns. James had hexed Snape for it, not that the redhead had been pleased. Her reaction had been to call James an 'arrogant, bullying toe-rag'. After that James made sure he only hexed Snape when the redhead wasn't around.

The redhead, James knew, was the reason he was uptight. He felt warm inside when he thought about her. She made him want to sing with joy and scream with frustration all at the same time. Lily Evans. Just the sound of her name made James feel strange. She made him feel like he could do anything, well, almost anything. Lily Evans was the most gorgeous girl James Potter had ever laid eyes on. She had wonderful thick red hair that flowed to her shoulders and stunning green eyes that sparkled when she laughed - her laugh was lovely, James thought - and blazed like molten lava when she was angry - her temper was amazing. He'd been on the receiving end of it more than once, he thought to himself, frowning. James remembered the first time he'd spotted her, in the Great Hall at Hogwarts on their first day. She'd been put in the same house as James and all his friends, Gryffindor, the best house to be in, in James opinion. On that first day he'd seen her, looking lost and frightened, he had fallen in love. He'd nudged his new friend Sirius and, staring across the hall, announced 'That is the girl I'm going to marry'. It wasn't part of the plan that she would hate him and go on hating him, even now. She was supposed to find him irresistible and completely charming. She was supposed to think he was handsome and kind. She was supposed to be his girlfriend by now…but she wasn't. She hated him. She'd refused to go out with him, turning down every attempt he'd ever made to get her to go to Hogsmeade with him. James knew that she wouldn't even walk to classes with him unless she could help it, let alone to Hogsmeade.

'This has to be the year', James muttered to himself. 'She has to notice me this year, if she doesn't that's it, I won't get another chance, and I'll have lost her'. He cringed at the words, not because they embarrassed him, they didn't because they were true, but because he knew that if Lily Evans didn't fall for him now, in the 7th and final year at Hogwarts, he would spend his life alone. If he couldn't have Lily Evans, he didn't want anyone…..

James was pulled from his thoughts of Lily by a tapping sound on the living room window. He went over to open the window (all the windows of the house were kept locked these days, just like in all the houses of everyone the Potters knew) and found an owl perched outside on the windowsill. The owl had something tied to its foot, which when James freed it, he found to be a letter from Hogwarts. James paid the owl for the delivery and watched it fly away. He closed and locked the window and then he opened the letter. He knew this was his booklist for the forthcoming year. He glanced over the contents absentmindedly and he went to fold the letter up. As he did so, he noticed there was a smaller piece of paper inside the envelope. It was a note. James read it quickly, not really understanding what it meant. He could tell immediately that it was from the Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore. James read the note again. He could hardly believe what it said. He took off his glasses, wiped them on his shirtsleeve and then read the note for the third time, but still it said the same thing:

Dear Mr. Potter,

We are pleased to inform you that for your 7th and final year at Hogwarts you have been awarded the position of Head Boy.

Yours sincerely

Albus Dumbledore (Headmaster)

P.S. I know you can do this James. You won't let me down, and you may find you benefit from it in more ways than one.

James was stunned. What on earth could the old…er, the Headmaster…mean by that, 'you may benefit from it in more ways than one'. 'What does that mean'? James read the letter a final time, still trying to take in what it said. He, James Potter, one of Hogwarts best pranksters, he who had never been a prefect, he, who along with the Marauders had probably set some sort of record for the number of detentions a student could receive, was Head Boy….James shook his head, making his permanently untidy black hair even more untidy and then he let out a yell, 'Muuuuuuuuuuuum!'

Mary Potter heard James shouting from upstairs. She threw aside the book she was reading and dashed down the stairs two at a time. Something was wrong with James and he needed her now! He was still yelling for her when she found him in the living room.

'What's the matter?…what's happened?…are you hurt?' she panted, gasping for breath. Mary Potter was a short, slim, slightly built woman with dark hair and bright blue eyes, which were wide open as she looked anxiously at her son. For reply James grinned at her, his hazel eyes seeming to dance as he beamed. 'James, speak to me, what is the matter with you? Will you stop grinning at me, you look like you've been Confunded', she looked around the room apprehensively, as if she expected someone, something, to leap out from behind the sofa. James started to laugh. 'James Potter if you don't stop that right now I'll….' Mary looked at her son and was immediately suspicious. 'OK, you win, what've you done?' she eyed him warily, looking stern, or as stern as she could when she was telling James off.

Everyone who knew her realised Mary Potter adored her son. He was the apple of her eye; she'd been completely devoted to him right from the moment she first held him in her arms on the day he was born. She lived and breathed her son, and knew she would die for him and willingly, if she had to. But even though she worshipped the ground he walked on, and the air he breathed, she realised he was far from perfect, which is why she knew he was up to something.

'Read this' James stopped laughing at the look on his mother's face and handed her the letter. She read it and then handed it back to him. 'Well yes dear, it's your booklist, and I realise books are expensive, but there is no need to be hysterical, we can afford books for you, and for Sirius too of course, if he needs our help to get them'. James looked at her as if she was mad, and then, taking the piece of paper from her, and giving her the smaller note he spoke through gritted teeth, 'Not that, THIS!' James watched as she read. He scanned her expressions as she took in the words, every now and then glancing at James as if she thought that at any second he would burst out laughing and tell her it was all a joke. He just kept watching her face intently. Mary knew James well enough to know that he would never look her in the eye like that if this was a prank. She read the note again and went red in the face and then paled. She sat down on the nearest chair, quivering slightly, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. As quickly as she sat down Mary got back up and flung herself at James 'Oh my dear, my darling boy…you clever, clever thing!' James gave her a brief hug, but he knew that wasn't the end of it. 'My son, my James, Head Boy at Hogwarts!' the tears started to flow down her cheeks. James was starting to feel uncomfortable; he hadn't expected her to cry! He hated it when she cried. 'Get a grip Mum, it's hardly a reason to get so emotional, I thought it was hilarious, I mean the old g….er, I mean the Headmaster has gone barmy or something. I wasn't even a prefect and now I'm Head Boy, it's a great laugh….he has y'know, the Headmaster, he's gone barmy!' Mary Potter wiped her eyes and shook her head at her son. 'James really, you shouldn't say things like that about Dumbledore. Albus Dumbledore is the wisest wizard in the world. If he's made you Head Boy he's done it for a reason. Dumbledore is never wrong; besides, you're Head Boy now, you should show the Headmaster some respect. Fancy you calling him barmy, I mean, you're Head Boy!'

James noted that his mother had used the term 'head boy' three times, like she was trying to convince herself it was really true. He smiled broadly at her, he was enjoying this, but then Mary went to throw herself at him again and he braced himself.

Before Mary could land on James there was a popping sound in the corner of the room where the Potter's cat Mabel was sprawled out having a nap. The cat hissed loudly and her hair stood on end. She hissed again and launched herself out through the living room door just as Sirius Black appeared. 'Bye Mabel, love you too' he winked at James, who found this scene highly amusing. Mary was distracted from further displays of emotion towards James and went over to Sirius, hugging him lightly. 'I can never understand why that animal doesn't like you dear, she is usually a very affectionate little thing'. James found that hysterically funny for a reason Mary couldn't understand, and she looked at Sirius with a puzzled expression. 'Don't worry Mum, it must be his time of the month or something' Sirius said, looking serious. James now guffawed loudly. 'He always goes a bit funny at a certain time of the month'. To Mary's confusion both boys now fell about laughing, but they stopped abruptly when they could see Mary was getting annoyed.

'Sorry Mum', Sirius grinned, 'How are you?' 'I'm fine dear,' she smiled warmly, her irritation forgotten. 'How are you, are you eating properly? I don't like the thought of you alone in that flat, starving yourself for want of a decent home cooked meal' 'Come off it Mum', James groaned, 'You only saw him yesterday, and anyway, look at him, does he look like he's starving?' This was true, Sirius glowed with health and vitality, his hair shone, his eyes sparkled; he was youth personified. 'Thanks very much' Sirius pulled a face at James, 'Now Mum won't cook for me'. 'You and your stomach Sirius Black', Mary laughed, her blue eyes shining. 'What do you fancy dear?' 'How about I cut you some of the chocolate cake I made this morning?' Sirius licked his lips hungrily. If there was one thing Sirius Black enjoyed more than girls, and pulling pranks with James, it was food. 'How come he gets offered a piece of cake and I don't?' James complained. 'Because _he_ is a visitor', Mary frowned mockingly, 'While _you_ merely live here', Sirius laughed loudly, the sound was more like a bark than a laugh. James muttered something about '…..move out then….' before he grinned at his friend and remembered the note from Dumbledore. He showed it to Sirius. Exactly as James had done earlier, Sirius read it three times before it would sink in. Then he beamed at James and exclaimed 'Bloody hell mate, the old git's gone and made you Head Boy, he's bloody barmy!'

James roared with mirth and Mary Potter rolled her eyes before she left them to their fun. 'There really is no hope for those two,' she sighed, and went back upstairs to read her book.


	2. A Tender Parting and A Tricky Reunion

**CHAPTER TWO: A TENDER PARTING AND A TRICKY REUNION**

The remainder of the holidays seemed to speed by as if the clocks had a spell on them to make them go faster. James and Sirius had been to Diagon Alley for the books and materials they would need for the 7th year and then they'd spent the final days of the holidays playing Quidditch in the Potters large back garden. James loved Quidditch almost as much as he loved Lily Evans. His Dad taught him to play practically as soon as he could walk, so by the time he got to Hogwarts he was a very good player. He was given a position in his house team, and was reputed to be Gryffindor's finest Chaser for years. He knew he was good too and loved the adulation it gave him, despite it having no effect whatsoever on the one person he would have loved to watch him play.

The sport had benefited James in other ways; he had bright hazel eyes and clear skin, he was tall and muscular and fit enough to walk for miles, not that he did walk for miles very often. He reasoned, not without some logic, that walking was a waste of time when you could fly. James adored flying, the wind in his hair, the view for miles, the speed, there was nothing like it, but this was something else that didn't impress Lily. She'd snorted with horror at him in the sixth year when he had offered to take her flying one evening. James didn't know whether it was the flying or the thought of spending time with him that disgusted her so much. He suspected it was the latter.

The day finally came for James and Sirius to go back to school for the last time. Mary Potter and her husband Arthur had wanted to accompany the boys to Kings Cross, but they'd managed to put them off. James knew that his mother would only cry all over him and it would be just too embarrassing for words. He loved his parents every bit as much as they adored him, their only child, but he just couldn't cope with it when his mother cried. So, he and Sirius persuaded them to stay at home saying they would apparate to the station from the garden. 'Are you sure you don't want us to come with you?' Mary asked, while James and Sirius positioned themselves with their trunks ready to go. 'No Mum, we'll be fine', James said dismissively. He knew that if he didn't get his mother to go back into the house soon she would start bawling. 'Come on Mary, they're 17 now' Arthur Potter said. 'You've got to let them grow up some time. They'd look ridiculous at their age if they walked into the station with their mother in tow'.

'Now you two', Arthur looked at the two younger men, a severe expression on his face, but a twinkle in his eyes, which resembled James's exactly. He also had the same untidy black hair which he had the same habit of fiddling with, especially when he was nervous or excited, the only difference was that Arthur's was flecked with grey – James also used the habit when he was trying to attract girls. It gave the impression that he just stepped off the Quidditch pitch and the girls loved it – except one. 'Behave yourselves this year, and get those exams nailed, you can do anything you want if you work for it'. Then he pulled James aside for a second. 'I'm really proud of you son' he whispered. 'Make sure you're the best Head Boy Hogwarts has ever had, I know you can do it.' Then he grinned mischievously 'And just you keep being charming to that redhead of yours, she'll come round, she has to. No girl has ever been able to resist the Potter charm for long; just you look at your mother'. 'Yes, and look what it's got me', Mary said wryly, 'a houseful of silly boys to feed and fend for'. 'Shut up woman, you wouldn't be without us for the world', Arthur said, kissing his wife on the nose. 'No, I know, I can't imagine why', Mary smiled happily. Arthur shook hands with the boys and then went back into the house.

Mary kissed Sirius who apparated to King's Cross with a pop. Then she turned to James with a tear in her eye. 'You know how proud we are of you, don't you?' she tried to smile at him but her mouth kept going in the wrong direction. 'Yeah Mum, course I do. You keep telling me, and you've polished the Head Boy badge a million times' he laughed. 'Not just of that, we're proud of everything you do, you're a wonderful son and…..and I love you very much James, I always will. James felt a lump in his throat and his mother was crying softly. 'I've got to go Mum, the train will be leaving without me and what would Dumbledore think to that, the Head Boy missing the first day back, it wouldn't look good at all', he tried to make her laugh, but she just flung her arms around him. 'I just love you that's all. Now you get back to that school and show them what a wonderful Head Boy you are. Goodbye James'.

And with a pop he was gone.

Lily Evans made her way to Kings Cross station with relief. She knew this was her last year at Hogwarts, the one place that had felt like home to her for the last 6 years. Lily knew she had exams this year that would affect the course of the rest of her life. Lily had her heart set on being a Healer, a type of doctor for witches and wizards, so she really wanted to do well, but she was a good student and she would work hard to get the results she wanted. Lily knew the reason she was so relieved to be going back to school was that it meant being away from home for months. Lily loved her parents, and she knew they were proud of her and all her achievements at school, but she was well aware that her sister Petunia was not proud of her and considered her to be nothing more than a freak.

Petunia and Lily had been close until Lily received her letter informing her she had a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry just before her 11th birthday. From then on Petunia was distant most of the time and downright nasty the rest of the time. What made it worse was now Petunia had a boyfriend, a fat ugly man called Vernon Dursley who despised Lily the moment he laid eyes on her and was rude about anything he didn't understand. He was five years older than Petunia, so you would think he would be mature, but Lily had seen no evidence of that. She grimaced when she thought of how she'd watched as Petunia and Vernon had slobbered all over each other during the summer, giggling and squealing like silly children. Lily was delighted to be going back to school away from those two.

The only blot on the landscape for Lily was the thought that when she got back to school someone almost as annoying as Vernon Dursley would be waiting for her. This was a boy who had been pestering Lily almost since she'd started at Hogwarts, and practically stalked her in the third year, a boy in the same house as Lily, which made it worse. Lily despised James Potter. She hated the way he hexed people just because he could, she hated the way he messed around with his hair so that it looked like he'd just got off the Quidditch pitch – Lily didn't hate Quidditch particularly, mainly because she had never watched a match. Lily was not into sports, she preferred books – she hated the way he wouldn't take no for an answer. James Potter had been pestering her to go out with him for years and she was not about to give in to the arrogant, egotistical, conceited….

Just thinking about James Potter made Lily feel strange. He could make her blood boil like no one she'd ever met. When she saw him she wanted to scream and throw things at him. James Potter, as far as Lily was concerned, was the most annoying person on the face of the earth. 'Still, now I'm Head Girl I can stop him hexing people and pulling pranks' she sighed. Lily remembered how her parents had been thrilled when she received the note from Dumbledore, telling her she was Head Girl. Petunia had thought it hilarious. 'Couldn't they get one of their own freaks to do it', she scorned. Lily didn't care. She was Head Girl and she was going to do everything she could to show Dumbledore he had made the right choice, 'If I can put Potter in his place at the same time, that's all the better for me', she thought. Lily was glad to be going back to school. After this year she would never need to see James Potter ever again and that was reason in itself to feel relieved.

James and Sirius apparated to Kings Cross and made their way to Platform 9¾ where they would catch the Hogwarts Express. They boarded the train and found Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew in one of the carriages near the back of the train. The Prefects Carriage was nearby. The Marauders had always thought that if they were near the Prefects Carriage, no one could possibly think that anything that happened on the train could possibly be attributed to them, and so far, they were right. James and Sirius put their trunks up onto the luggage rack next to Remus and Peter's and flopped down into their seats. Remus was engrossed in a book, but he looked up when the two boys sat down. 'Hi Prongs, Padfoot,' he nodded, a light smile on his lips. 'Good summer?' The boys all exchanged stories of what they'd done during the summer break, Peter didn't contribute much to this though. He said he'd spent the majority of the summer alone at home, whilst his family went abroad. The others decided that the best course of action would be to move the topic on. They'd all spent the summer with family and friends who actually wanted to be with them. Peter was a loner. If he hadn't got them he'd have had no one.

'So, what are we going to do now we're 7th years? How many girls look like they would be happy to be seduced by me this year?' Sirius asked after a while. Remus rolled his eyes exasperatedly, but smiled all the same. 'Padfoot old man, some of us go to school to learn, we don't all see it as a means of being able to cause as much mayhem as possible on the one hand, and flirt outrageously with everything in a skirt on the other'. '_We_ might not', Sirius laughed his bark-like laugh devilishly, 'But _I _do, so which girls should I grace with my presence this year?' The others laughed. If there were exams in flirting, Sirius would pass every time.

The train moved out of the station and the boys passed some time playing a game of Exploding Snap that got a little out of hand. If James hadn't reacted as quickly as he did Peter would have ended up singeing his eyebrows. After a while James stood up 'I'm going to have to go in a while'. 'It's at the end of the corridor' Peter stated. James looked at him for a second and realised he was deadly serious. 'No, I don't mean _go_, not like that, I mean I've got to go to the Prefects Carriage. I'm Head Boy this year'.

The effect of the words was immediate. Remus and Peter looked at one another, and then they looked at James and Sirius. They kept opening their mouths to say something, and then closing them. They looked just like goldfish in a bowl. James and Sirius jumped up down and had to wipe tears of laughter from their faces. 'But how?….why?…has Dumbledore gone mad?' Remus cried after a while, shaking his head. 'Thanks for the vote of confidence Moony', James said, trying to sound offended. 'For your information he thinks I can do it, though God knows why, and he reckons it will benefit me in more ways than one, that's what he said in his letter, but how he thinks being Head Boy would be good for a Marauder is beyond me'. 'Oh I don't know mate', Sirius broke in, 'I reckon it could come in handy, you know, the Head Boy has to spend time with the Head Girl doesn't he, and then there is those patrols at night in the corridors….' 'Yeah, but what chance is there that Evans will be Head Girl?' James interrupted. 'Absolutely none, so it'll mean I can spend less time trying to convince her I'm not directly descended from the Giant Squid….'

'Perhaps that isn't such a bad thing' Remus interrupted James, who looked like he was about to go into full flow about the virtues of Lily Evans. 'And why would that be?' James demanded, sounding sharper than he meant to, and apologising with a look. 'Well Prongs', Remus acknowledged the apology with a dismissive wave of his hand, 'Have you ever considered that the best way to make Lily see you as you are might just be to leave her alone?' Remus said this in a tone of someone trying to explain to a small child that two and two make four. 'But then she'd forget about me and I'll lose any chance of being with her', James whined. 'Or she may find that once you stop falling over yourself to impress her, she gets a glimpse of the real you and likes what she sees', Remus replied reasonably. James considered this, but was saved from having to come up with a response by the carriage door opening suddenly. All four boys looked up and James's heart started to thump wildly in his chest. Lily Evans stood in the doorway of the carriage, and she didn't look pleased to be there.

'Oh Hi Lily', Sirius finally managed. 'We were just talking about you'. James glared at Sirius but smiled innocently up at Lily who was now looking like she wished she'd never gone near that particular carriage. 'Er, Hi L-Lily', he gaped, she was still gorgeous, her almond shaped green eyes made all the more beautiful because she was annoyed. 'Er, w-what can I…er, I mean _we_…d-do for you?' Lily glared at him, her annoyance rising. 'Of all the carriages to go into', she thought 'I have to pick the one Potter and his cronies are in'. Before she could reply James recovered himself – seeing her for the first time each year had always had that effect on him, like he couldn't think properly and his mouth wouldn't work. 'Or have you come to tell me that you admit defeat and that you will go out with me this year?' he grinned hopefully. Lily gave him a look that one would normally use on something you'd accidentally stepped on in the street. 'Don't flatter yourself Potter, I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last boy on earth' she snapped scornfully. 'I've only come in here because there isn't room in the other carriages. I won't be long though, I've got to go to the Prefects carriage shortly, I'm Head Girl this year'. James and Sirius exchanged glances. Sirius was struggling to keep a straight face. Remus and Peter decided it was best to stay out of this one; James could handle this himself…maybe. 'So you'd better watch yourself, any funny business from you and I'll be…..'

'Actually Evans', James cut into her thoughts on how she would deal with him if he misbehaved, trying not to think about how he'd _like_ her to deal with him, and also trying to keep his voice steady, his heart was beating wildly again and he felt like he could have kissed Dumbledore. 'He's made her Head Girl, he's practically giving me permission to spend time alone with her…', he thought wistfully, 'I think you'll find you'll be seeing me quite a bit this year, I'm Head Boy'. Lily stared at him, open mouthed, speechless. 'B-but y-y-you c-c-can't be!' she eventually cried, 'You're not even a prefect, honestly Potter, you're starting to sound desperate now', and she laughed nervously; he'd nearly got her there. 'It's true Evans', James was beaming now, and Sirius was having even more trouble keeping his amusement to himself. 'I can show you the note from Dumbledore if you like', and as if to make the point, he handed her the note from the Headmaster. Lily snatched it from him. She read it. Sirius stopped sniggering under his breath, and James fiddled with his hair, waiting for Lily's reaction.

The carriage was now almost eerily silent. 'B-b-but….Oh my God…has he gone mad!' Lily looked like she was about to burst into tears. 'Don't worry Evans' James was smiling sweetly again, his eyes dancing in his head. 'I'll look after you on patrol…alone…..in the dark corridors…at night', and he breathed heavily at her. 'Drop dead Potter!' Lily was furious now, her eyes blazing in response to the grin on James's face. Suddenly James gasped, he held one hand to his face and another hand to his chest and started to pant; then he started to moan as if he was in agony. Lily's eyes widened. 'P-Potter?' she was startled. 'P-Potter, what's wrong with you?…..Stop it at once!' but James started to twitch slightly. Lily looked at the other three boys, but Sirius was staring out of the window, his back to Lily, his shoulders moving up and down a little. Peter looked anxiously at Remus. He couldn't work out what was wrong with James, he'd been fine until Lily told him to drop dead – Remus noted the anxious look on Peter's face and nudged him, raising his eyebrows.

James seemed to go rigid and the next thing Lily knew he was on the carriage floor, his eyes closed. Lily staggered back as he fell, but regained her balance quickly. 'P-P-Potter!….speak to me!…..wake up!….' Lily was panicking now, 'Will one of you do something!' she cried, 'He's ill or dead or…..' Just when Lily was starting to become really frightened James's eyes flicked open, and he lay on the floor gazing up at her wickedly. 'Worried about me were you?' he chuckled. 'See, I knew you cared about me really, so, now we've established that, will you go out with me?' Lily stamped her feet in frustration. 'Why you….you….you scared the life out of me you idiot…..get up at once!' 'But why would I do that, when the view is so nice here' he sighed. 'From here I can see your gorgeous red hair perfectly, and your lovely nose, has anyone ever told you how pretty your nose is?' Lily blushed furiously, which only encouraged James. 'And from here I can look up and see your beautiful……' 'POTTER!' Lily yelled so loudly the carriage shook. 'What?' James asked innocently. 'I was going to say your eyes, your beautiful eyes', and he leapt to his feet. 'Padfoot, wasn't I going to say I could see Lily's beautiful eyes?' James looked at Sirius for support, but Sirius looked back over his shoulder at his friend, 'Leave me out of this Prongs, I'm sure you can manage.' Lily realised the time, and moved towards the carriage door. 'Come on then Potter, if you're Head Boy you'd better come with me, it's time for the Prefects Meeting'.

James followed her out of the carriage, pulling the door closed behind him. Remus went back to the book he'd been reading earlier, and Peter sat twiddling his thumbs idly. Sirius turned back to face the window, rested his head against his seat and settled for a nap. 'Well, while Prongs is at the meeting I can catch up on some sleep' he yawned. Sirius loved sleeping as much as he loved eating. Somewhere in the distance he could hear a high pitched voice. Words like 'head boy' 'responsible' and 'behave' floated through the air before a lower voice cut in. 'gorgeous' 'eyes' 'go out with me' and 'legs' could be heard, before the low voice went suddenly higher 'Ow! That hurt!' Sirius shook his head. James had obviously done something, and Lily had clearly retaliated. Sirius yawned again and drifted off to sleep.

Half an hour later Sirius was woken by the sound of the carriage door opening again. He looked up and stretched himself before his eyes rested on James who was limping a little. He had a dreamy look on his face. 'What happened to you?' Sirius inquired. James flopped down heavily in the seat beside his friend and sighed happily. 'She kicked me'. 'She what?' Sirius replied. He wasn't sure he'd heard correctly. 'Lily', James replied. Sirius nodded, he could tell who by the look on James's face. 'She kicked me'. James repeated. 'Why?' Sirius knew there was more to this. Lily wouldn't lash out, even at James, for no reason. 'She was giving me one of her lectures on how I was Head Boy now and I have to be responsible from now on and behave myself,' James was now beaming like an idiot. 'So I told her that I still think she's gorgeous, and her eyes are beautiful, and I asked her to go out with me again….' 'And she kicked you for that?' Sirius laughed. Lily was obviously getting physical! 'No, I told her that when I was on the floor I had a great view of her legs and they are stunning…..and then she kicked me' James pulled up the leg of his jeans to show off a big black bruise that had formed on his shin. 'It hurt too', he sighed again. 'Oh well, it must be love then' Sirius groaned.

The rest of the journey passed off peacefully. Lily didn't come back to the Marauders carriage, except to collect her things. When she did this, she didn't pass any remarks to any of them but she glowered angrily at James. There was no time for him to say anything though. They were back at Hogwarts, the 7th year had begun.


	3. An Accident and Some Advice

**CHAPTER THREE: AN ACCIDENT AND SOME ADVICE**

The new term began in the usual way, new students were Sorted at the Feast; 'We were never that small!' Sirius laughed as the new intake of first years went to have the tatty wizard's hat placed on their head that would decide which of the four houses they would be in – Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and, the least popular house Slytherin. New timetables were given out; Sirius and James were in all the same classes, as was Lily Evans. James was delighted by this. It meant that lessons wouldn't be dull because he could either spend the time talking and plotting the latest prank with Sirius, or he could sit and look at Lily without her getting angry with him.

James expected to see Lily a lot this year. Not only did they have classes together, they also shared a new Common Room that was purely for the Head Boy and Girl – although Lily had flatly refused to use it with James, so it had so far remained locked. They had patrols to do together – and James could hardly wait for the first one. The two had also had to attend a meeting with Dumbledore to discuss their duties as Head Boy and Girl. James was highly amused when Lily tried to illicit from Dumbledore some explanation of why he'd made James Head Boy when he hadn't even been a Prefect. Dumbledore frowned slightly, and then he'd smiled benevolently down on Lily and said something about it being 'to your mutual benefit', and then, James was sure, Dumbledore winked at him, before dismissing the two. Lily was furious by the time the meeting was over, and rushed back down the corridor ahead of James. He, on the other hand, was puzzled as to what the wink might mean, but he didn't care. Dumbledore was allowing him to spend time alone with Lily Evans, whether she liked it or not!

Before he realised it James was two weeks into his 7th year, in Potions with Sirius next to him and Lily with her back to him. She was at the front of the Dungeon, right in front of Professor Slughorn, who was giving them their task for the lesson. He wanted them to make a potion to remove warts from the skin, and had written the ingredients out on the board for them to follow.

Professor Slughorn was someone who James disliked intensely. He was one of those teachers who selected his favourite students, indeed, his favourite people, high achievers or students whose families were well connected with the Ministry, and stuck to them like glue. He treated the objects of his attention like pets or trophies. He wallowed in their achievements, basking in their reflected glory. One such favourite was Lily Evans.

Lily Evans, unlike James, was brilliant at Potions. James loved to glance over to her during the class, her beautiful face made even lovelier by her concentration. James loved to watch her bite her bottom lip when she was thinking, or watch her push her hair behind her ears when it fell down into her gorgeous green eyes…..but today he couldn't see her face at all, she stood resolutely with her back to him right from the start of the lesson. She was clearly still put out from their meeting with Dumbledore. James watched instead, as Slughorn fawned over her, telling her how well she was doing and how her potion looked just right.

Slughorn walked around the room, glancing here and there into a cauldron. When he got to James he wrinkled his nose at the smell that was coming from within, and pointed to the list of instructions on the board. James looked up, and sure enough, he had forgotten an ingredient. Slughorn went back to Lily, a creepy smile all over his face. He gazed down into her cauldron and slipped an arm around her shoulders.

James felt his stomach turn over and his heart race 'How dare he touch her', he felt like rushing over there and giving Slughorn something to distract him from Lily, like his fist, or a hex, but he knew he couldn't. If he did, he would annoy Lily who would never speak to him again, disappointment Dumbledore, who would have to take his Head Boy badge away, and he'd probably end up being expelled. That would mean he couldn't take his exams and he wouldn't be able to be an Auror.

The thought of how upset his Mum and Dad would be if he let them down that badly was enough to make him try to focus on what he was doing, but still he couldn't help it if every now and then he looked up to find Slughorn with his arm around Lily, who was turned towards him a little now, whispering something to him and smiling. The side of her face was visible to James. He could see her lips were moving, but he couldn't hear what she was saying.

He wanted to know what made her smile at the teacher like that. Slughorn's breath disturbed Lily's hair a little, so that it fell into her eyes. James felt his breath catch in his throat when Slughorn reached out and pushed one thick red strand back into place. 'Pervert!' James thought furiously, and went into the store cupboard for his missing ingredient. He searched absentmindedly through the herbs, grabbing the one he wanted, feeling it sting vaguely on his fingers, but not bothering. He had to keep an eye on Lily with that revolting little man leering all over her!

James chopped up the rest of the ingredients for his potion roughly, as if they had offended him in some way and threw them into the cauldron. The potion hissed and spat violently for a second before going a foul dark green colour. Sirius raised his eyebrows at this. He looked at James questioningly and then muttered, 'Mate, I don't think that looks right, no else's spat like that, and everyone else's is light green', but James was too livid to notice and just shrugged. 'It'll be fine, don't worry about it', Sirius tried to say something again but he could tell James was in no mood for a lesson in potion making. Sirius noticed how Slughorn was being so attentive to Lily and he knew this was why James so angry. Sirius knew not to be bothered about Slughorn by now. Slughorn was just being his usual slimy self, and didn't mean any harm, but Sirius realised that James didn't see it like that, and he knew there was no point arguing with James when he was in this mood.

Towards the end of the lesson Slughorn said he would come round and test each potion. He waved his wand and three large warts appeared on the back of his hand. Then he started his walk around the room. He looked at Lily's potion and dipped his finger into the cauldron, before rubbing it onto his hand. Suddenly the warts had gone, and he awarded Gryffindor 5 points.

Slughorn carried on around the room waving his wand to make more warts appear on the back of his hand in front of each student. Some of the potions worked, and others didn't. Each successful student was given 5 points; each one whose potion failed was ignored. Then Slughorn got to James's cauldron. He eyed the contents suspiciously, wrinkling his nose at the smell, which now resembled rotting flesh. Then he dipped a finger into the potion. James watched as Slughorn flinched for a moment, and then rubbed the potion on his hand. James couldn't believe it when Slughorn went pale, before quickly going crimson. Slughorn smothered a yell, biting his tongue before groaning through gritted teeth, 'Potter, that potion contains nettles! stinging nettles! if you look at the board I have clearly written camomile, not nettles!'

James looked on in horror as a large blister was forming on the teacher's hand. He looked at Slughorn, shaking his head as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing, and then he went to the store cupboard. He looked down to where he'd reached for the herbs he'd put into the potion. James gasped as he saw the container he'd got his missing ingredient from. Written in large letters were two words 'STINGING NETTLES'. James was mortified with himself. His temper had blinded him from concentrating properly and in his haste he'd grabbed the wrong ingredient. The correct one was in a jar right in front of him. He went back into the classroom, contrition all over his face. 'I'm really sorry Professor, I used the wrong ingredient' he admitted honestly, his guilt evident in every word. Professor Slughorn was wiping some sweat off his face, he waved his wand and the blister disappeared, leaving his hand as good as new. James could have wept with relief. 'No harm done Potter', Slughorn was smiling kindly up at James, 'Just be careful next time eh?' 'Yes Sir', James replied, and Slughorn dismissed the class.

'Wow, that was lucky mate,' Sirius whispered to James as they made their way back into the corridor. 'Yeah I know, did you see the state of his hand', James was shaking as the relief of Slughorn being able to rectify his mistake hit him. He grinned at Sirius as the shock started to wear off.

'I suppose you thought that was funny Potter', a familiar voice called from behind him. James spun round and was immediately confronted with Lily Evans, who was incandescent with rage. 'He should have taken points off you for that at least, or given you a detention!' she yelled, 'But no, Potter gets away with one of his pranks again, you arrogant, conceited….' 'It was an accident Evans, just a stupid accident', James tried to keep calm. He understood why she was angry with him, he had made a stupid mistake, but there was no need for her to go mad like this. He had apologised to Slughorn, and no lasting harm was done. But Lily couldn't let it go, she was absolutely livid with Potter this time. He had gone too far. She stood for the next 5 minutes in the corridor lecturing James on his responsibilities as Head Boy and how his stunt with Slughorn – James tried to explain to her that it was an accident, but she wasn't listening to him – should have got him expelled. She went on and on, lecturing him, drawing quite a crowd into the corridor which was now filling as early morning lessons drew to a close.

Suddenly James couldn't stand the way she was looking at him any more. He'd seen her angry at him, he'd seen her irritated at him when he kept asking her out. He was convinced she hated him but he had never seen any real proof of that until today. But now, the contempt she clearly felt for him shone from her eyes like a torch. James couldn't stand it any more. 'YOU CAN BLOODY WELL STOP LECTURING ME', he yelled at the top of his lungs, 'I KNOW I DID WRONG AND I APOLOGISED FOR IT, BUT IT WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED IF HE HADN'T BEEN PAWING YOU! YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL I LOVE YOU, BUT YOU WON'T EVEN PASS THE TIME OF DAY WITH ME! BUT YOU LET THAT CREEPY PERVERT TOUCH YOU LKE THAT AND YOU STAND THERE WHISPERING AT HIM AND SMILING WHILE HE DOES IT!'

James panted. He didn't yell like that very often. The whole corridor was deathly silent now. Even Lily appeared to be holding her breath. She looked like she was trying to think of something to say, but couldn't find the words. James breathed deeply. The silence was getting on his nerves. He had to get out of this. 'Look, I'll see you later', he said to Sirius, and walked off down the corridor alone.

James kept walking while his temper wore off. He'd let Lily Evans make him so angry he'd told her how he really felt about her! He, James Potter, had told Lily Evans, who clearly hated and despised him, that he loved her! 'You stupid idiot', he chided himself, 'What did you have to go and say that for? Fancy going berserk like that, honestly, keep going on like that, they'll be carting you off to St Mungo's!'

But even in his temper, he knew that what he said, at least about his feelings for Lily, was true. He'd known since the third year that what he felt for her wasn't just a stupid adolescent crush, that he loved her as much as he loved his parents, and more than Quidditch or anything else he used to consider important, but to tell her like that, when she was clearly not in the mood to hear it – assuming she would _ever_ be in the mood to hear it – and in front of virtually the entire school – was just too stupid for words.

James stopped walking abruptly when Professor McGonagall came towards him, looking slightly flustered. 'Ah Potter, just in the nick of time, I could do with some help' and before he could say anything, she dragged him into her classroom.

Professor McGonagall was the Gryffindor house mistress, she taught James's best subject, Transfiguration, and in spite of his ability to get into trouble often, he got on really well with her. Over the years he'd known her, he'd mastered the art of avoiding detention with her – well, most of the time. He'd learned to smile at her in a certain way, which made her forget what she was supposed to be giving him detention for. But he did genuinely think a lot of this teacher. She was firm, but fair, good at teaching, and best of all, loved Quidditch as much as James did.

James followed Professor McGonagall into the classroom, his thoughts distracted briefly from the scene with Lily. 'Now then Potter, I wonder, could you reach up for me and put these books on that shelf there?' she said, pointing to a shelf high on the wall at the back of the classroom. 'Er, yes Professor, but excuse me, why can't you use magic to get them up there?' 'Well, it seems silly to use magic to do something that would only take a moment anyway – but I can't reach the shelf' she explained casually.

James started to put the books, all about Transfiguration, onto the shelf. He sighed deeply as the image of Lily and him yelling at each other in the corridor burst back into his thoughts. 'What's the matter Potter', Professor McGonagall asked softly. 'And don't say nothing, I know you better than that'.

Minerva McGonagall liked James Potter, even if he did misbehave sometimes. He was one of Hogwarts best Quidditch players of all time, but he also had a kind heart, which was capable of deep feelings, especially, McGonagall knew, for a certain redhead. James sighed again; sometimes he thought Professor McGonagall knew what everyone was thinking. 'It's Lily Professor, we had a huge argument'. McGonagall nodded wisely. 'Go on', and James told her what happened in Potions, making certain she understood it was an accident, and that Slughorn was fine, but then how Lily had gone mad at him, yelling at him in front of everyone in the corridor. 'And then', he grimaced at the memory, 'I told her that if she hadn't been letting him paw her, and hadn't been whispering and smiling at him it wouldn't have happened. Oh and just to make it even worse, I told her I love her'. James wanted the ground to open up and swallow him. He was in a classroom at school discussing his love-life with a teacher!

'Do you?' James stared down at Professor McGonagall when she posed the unexpected question. 'What?...I mean, pardon Professor?' 'I said do you love her?' she repeated, looking over her glasses at him. James thought for a second. 'Yes Professor, I do. It isn't just her hair, or her eyes, even though she is gorgeous', James blushed, but McGonagall didn't react. 'It's everything about her…I love her so much Professor, it's driving me mad'. Professor McGonagall nodded wisely again. 'Well if you love her Potter, there is only one thing to do', 'What can I do though? She hates me'. 'She doesn't hate you Potter, she wants to like you I'm sure, but you never let the real you out do you?' 'What does that mean?' James was defensive again. 'You put on a show for her, your pranks, playing with your hair, asking her out all the time'. James was shocked that his head of house knew about all this! 'The only way you can put this right Potter is to do the one thing you don't want to do'. James didn't speak, just asked the question with his eyes. 'You have to leave her alone Potter. If you want to stand any chance at all with Lily Evans, you must leave her alone. I was going to ask you if you could help her with her Transfiguration at some point this year, it isn't her best subject, I'm sure you know' James did know Lily struggled with Transfiguration, he watched her face enough in the lessons to know she found it difficult. 'But I think that can wait for a while. No, I really think for now you must leave her alone, it's vital that you do'.

'But what if I can't?' James felt desperate now. 'Well then you will lose her Potter, and that will be a tragedy for you both'. James nodded at his teacher, put the rest of the books on the shelf, and left the room. He knew what he had to do, but he didn't know if he could do it. But it had to be worth a try. A future without Lily in it didn't bear thinking about.

James met Sirius in the Common Room, which was otherwise empty. He told him about the conversation he had with McGonagall. 'Maybe she's right mate. I mean, it's virtually what Moony said on the train, isn't it?' James remembered Remus telling him on the train that he needed to leave Lily alone. He wished he hadn't dismissed him now! 'Well I'm going to do it, but I'll need some help. Keep an eye on me will you? If you notice me staring at her, or doing something stupid in front of her, tell me and I'll stop', Sirius nodded. 'Course I will mate, no problem'. James sighed deeply. 'I've got to go on patrol with her tonight, and I'll tell her I'm going to leave her alone in future.' he said sadly.

Lily watched as James walked down the corridor after the fight with her. She was still struggling to understand exactly what had just happened between them. She'd never heard James yell at anyone like that before.

Lily knew things had got out of control. She realised that somehow she'd made a mistake and that the incident in Potions was an accident that James regretted. She could see how Slughorn's behaviour to her during the lesson probably looked, he was always making a fuss of Lily, and he was tactile with her, but it didn't mean anything. She often whispered cheeky remarks to Slughorn when he was fussing over her, but that didn't mean anything either.

Lily tried to reason with herself that she didn't go mad at Potter when he was playing up to McGonagall, smiling at her the way he did to get out of detention, but then, she realised, McGonagall never put her arms around Potter, never pushed strands of his hair back into place – he could do that well enough on his own, Lily thought. But even though Lily knew all that, she realised that Potter had overreacted because he was worried about her. He was in a state because of her.

'YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL I LOVE YOU……' the words kept going round in Lily's head. Potter had said that he loved her. Lily could hardly believe it. Sure, he followed her around, trying to get her to go out with him, but she had always thought he was just showing off to his friends, or that he wanted her to be another in what was probably a very long line of girls he went out with and then cast aside when he got bored.

Thinking about it now, Lily had never seen Potter with any girls. Oh, he smiled a bit, and fiddled with his hair for the girls, but he was never actually _with_ any of them. Lily realised now that she'd got Potter wrong, maybe what he felt for her was deeper than she'd given him credit for.

Lily's conscience gave her a sudden jolt. She knew that if she didn't care for Potter at all, she wouldn't be remotely bothered how he felt about her. She wouldn't want him to upset himself for something that was never going to happen, but she would be able to tell him it would never happen and it was no use him pining for her. If she didn't feel something for him it would make no difference to her at all that he was furious with her for letting Slughorn touch her the way he did. It wouldn't bother her at all that he probably thought she was some sort of tart because she'd let Slughorn do it.

When James said he loved her, Lily hadn't known what to say. Part of her had wanted to run, the part of her that looked at his face and was shocked by the intensity of the feelings that shone from it, but part of her wanted to…..She realised now that she _was_ bothered about what James thought of her. She wanted to find him and apologise for the way she'd lectured him like that, in front of everyone, in the corridor. She wanted him to understand that Slughorn was just being his usual self, basking in the pleasure of watching a student he taught doing well at his subject, and that the tactile stuff was just his way. She wanted James to see that she wasn't the sort of girl who threw herself at men, or flirted with them for fun. She wasn't a tart. She wanted to tell him that she…

Lily felt like crying. She realised, as she stood, alone now in the corridor, that she, Lily Evans, who was scared to death of flying, didn't know the first thing about Quidditch, and was hopeless at Transfiguration had fallen in love with James Potter. The realisation seemed to jump up at Lily to mock her. She'd tried so hard to not let this happen, but it had. She didn't know how it had happened, James had driven her mad for years, but as the memory of his words and the sight of him walking away went through her mind again Lily knew she had fallen for him and had probably loved him all along. Lily flushed as she realised that she had patrol with James that night, but then a tiny seed of hope was planted inside her somewhere. 'I'll apologise for lecturing him and for treating him so badly, and then I'll tell him how I feel', she thought, and walked calmly to her next class. Lessons were about to start again after the morning break.


	4. Patrol With Lily

**CHAPTER FOUR: PATROL WITH LILY**

James and Lily didn't speak or make eye contact for the rest of the day. James was too preoccupied with the thought of the patrol that night, and how he was going to tell Lily that he was going to leave her alone from now on. He looked back on the start of the day, before Potions, remembering how much he had been looking forward to tonight. It felt like a sick joke now.

Lily was thinking about patrol too. She wanted the time to fly so that she could be alone with James and tell him how she felt. She accepted that she had to apologise first, for treating him so badly earlier, and for dismissing his feelings for her as nothing more than a prank, some sort of crush, or a conquest. But then she would tell him her feelings, and everything would be all right. Lily asked herself what she would do if he didn't accept the apology, but she knew that wouldn't happen. James Potter had been asking her out for years, he'd practically stalked her in the third year. He wouldn't let a stupid argument stop them being together.

After the evening meal, the Head Boy and Head Girl of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry made their way separately to their own private Common Room from where they would start their patrol. Night was beginning to fall over the castle and it was growing dark outside.

James stood outside the private Common Room, waiting for Lily. He felt the familiar thump of his heart as she got closer to him. To his surprise she spoke first. 'Er…um..er..Hi Potter', Lily said, clearly uptight. 'Hi Evans', James replied flatly. He could tell Lily wasn't looking forward to this at all, she obviously dreaded the idea of being alone with him for long. But he was surprised by her next words. 'W-would you m-mind if we went into the private Common Room for a moment, I h-have to t-tell you s-something'.

James was astonished; she'd categorically refused up to now to go anywhere near the Common Room they'd been allocated at the start of term. He knew she'd rather eat frogspawn than go anywhere near that room with him. He couldn't work out what she was up to, but he didn't question it. He needed to talk to her too, and this was his chance. 'Sure, Evans, but can I say my piece first?' She nodded. James pointed his wand at the locked wooden door of the Common Room, which opened with a click, and he stood aside for Lily to enter.

The Head Boy and Girl's Common Room was large and much more luxurious than the Gryffindor Common Room James and Lily shared with the rest of their house. In this room there was a small chandelier on the ceiling that spread a soft light through the room. Thousands of tiny candles flickered from the chandelier, their flames hovering and dancing slightly as a delicate draft wafted through the room. There was a large leather sofa, with a red throw over it, and two smaller leather easy chairs to each side of that. In front of the sofa, on the floor, which was made of polished wood, was a red rug, which was in front of a large imposing fireplace. A fire was lit, and it created a warm glow through the room. Wooden panels lined the walls from the floor to about halfway up, and then they stopped to make way for a deep red colour on the remainder of the walls. The ceiling was white, but it looked as if it had gone a little yellow over time. James and Lily both wondered how many more Head Boys and Girls had spent time in here.

James indicated to one of the chairs and inclined his head for Lily to sit down. She did so, and James sat down in the one opposite her. He took a deep breath, and began to speak. 'Look Evans….Lily'. He corrected himself. This would be better if he used her first name. 'I want to apologise for the way I shouted at you earlier, after the accident in Potions. I swear to you, it was just an accident, but it shouldn't have happened. If I'd been concentrating on what I was doing instead of watching Slug….I mean, Professor Slughorn, the whole stupid thing would never have happened, and I wouldn't have ended up shouting at you like that'.

Lily opened her mouth to say something, but James stopped her. 'Please Lily, let me finish, this is not easy for me and I need to say this before I change my mind and do something stupid again'. Lily wanted to tell him he wasn't stupid, and that she knew he was sorry and….but he went on. 'I want you to know that I'm sorry for making a nuisance of myself with you, following you, pestering you to go out with me all the time. I'm sorry for messing about with my hair in front of you. I know you think I do it to show off to girls'. James smiled ironically, 'Maybe I do with other girls, but I do it in front of you because you make me so nervous'. Lily raised her eyebrows, she could hardly believe that she would make James Potter nervous, but still, he went on. 'All I've ever wanted Lily is you to notice me, and perhaps care for me, just a little', Lily opened her mouth again, her heart racing, but he ignored her. 'But I know that you don't like me, you probably even hate me. So I've decided that in future I'm going to leave you alone. No more following, no more pestering. I know we have to patrol together and we have classes too, but other than that, I'll stay out of your way'.

Lily wanted to cry by the time James finished speaking. She wanted to tell him that she didn't want him to leave her alone, but the look on his face stopped her. He looked like he was sad, but also determined. He'd made up his mind and that was it. He got up from the chair he'd been sitting in, and Lily rose too. 'Right, I suppose we'd better go and get patrol out of the way then eh?' he said, in a calm, businesslike voice. 'Y-yes, I suppose so'. Lily answered. They were halfway through the Common Room door when James turned 'I'm sorry Lily, we went in there for you to say something, didn't we?' 'Oh, don't worry, it was nothing', she replied quietly, as the tiny seed of hope withered away inside her.

The patrol passed in silence. Both Lily and James didn't know what to say to each other any more. The only words spoken for the rest of the patrol was when one of them found some students out of bed and told them off. James had to suppress a laugh at this. It felt strange to be telling students off for doing something he'd done a million times, but when he looked at Lily who looked pale, and tired suddenly, he didn't find it funny any more. They carried on with the patrol until they'd been right around the castle and then they parted. James went quickly to the boys' dormitory. Lily went to the girls' dormitory, got undressed, climbed into bed, pulling the curtains around her bed tightly shut, and cried herself to sleep.


	5. A Change of Life

**CHAPTER FIVE: A CHANGE OF LIFE**

Over the next few weeks James was as good as his word. He neither spoke to nor looked at Lily unless he could help it. He did slip occasionally, old habits are hard to break, but a nudge or a look from Sirius would be enough, and James would remember that he had to leave her alone. He promised he would. They had to do patrols, but James worked out a way that they could meet up outside the private Common Room, and then they would each take a certain route from there. It allowed them to do their patrols without feeling uncomfortable, and also got them over with in half the time.

Sirius didn't tell James that he'd noticed Lily looking at him a few times, as if she wanted to speak to him when his back was turned. He deliberately forgot to mention that one day at breakfast he noticed Lily's eyes fill with tears when James turned his back on her. James was finding leaving Lily alone really tough. He didn't need Sirius making it harder by creating hope that would probably not come to anything.

What no one could have realised then was that something was about to happen that would take James Potter's mind completely away from Lily Evans for a while. Something that would threaten to overwhelm him completely, something that made Lily feel stronger about him than she would ever have thought possible.

James was eating breakfast one morning. It was now early November, weeks into the new term. Sirius, Remus and Peter were sitting with him, and he was making an effort not to turn around because he knew that just a few seats away Lily was sitting, eating her breakfast alone. She had friends, of course, a lot of friends she talked to, and laughed with, one of them was Alice Smith. James knew her vaguely too. But he also knew that Alice had a boyfriend, Frank Longbottom, who Alice was sitting next to now.

James heart turned over slightly as he watched Alice Smith and Frank Longbottom together….he wished it was him and Lily. He quickly glanced up at her. She was eating a piece of toast, but looking as if she wasn't enjoying it very much. He wondered why she looked so tired, but he knew he dare not call and ask her. If he did, he'd never be able to drag himself away from her, and they'd be back where they started. He shifted in his seat, so that he couldn't see Lily, and focused his attention on his friends.

The four of them were about to leave the Great Hall when an owl flew over and dropped something in front of James. He could tell it was a letter. He took it from the owl and looked at the handwriting on the envelope. 'It's from Mum', he said to Sirius. James tore the letter open quickly. It wasn't unusual for his parents to contact him when he was at school, but they normally did it when he'd either forgotten something or he'd been in trouble. Since he knew that so far this year he hadn't pulled any pranks - what with lessons, Head Boy duties, and avoiding Lily, he hadn't had time to get into trouble - and he knew he hadn't left anything at home - he wondered what his mother was writing to him for. He pulled the letter closer to him so that his friends couldn't read it. The contents were somewhat emotional, and looked like they were just for him. He read his mothers words:

My Darling James,

I'm sure you are wondering why I'm writing to you. I know you haven't been in trouble this year – yet - and I know you haven't left anything at home, so you must be racking your brains, wondering what I want to say to you.

I just wanted to tell you how much I love you. I know you get embarrassed when I fuss over you. I know you're of age now and consider yourself to be a man, but to me you are my little boy, and you always will be. The happiest days of my life were spent bringing you up. I'll never forget the first time I held you in my arms on the day you were born. I knew then how much I love you, and how I couldn't believe such a beautiful baby could possibly be mine. It was a joy to watch you grow. Watching you learn to do the basic things, talking, walking and all the little baby things. Watching you as you took your first tentative flight on a broom with your father, and then as he taught you Quidditch. He said you were the best little Quidditch player he'd ever seen! I said he was biased of course, but we both knew you were good, and my, how you loved it!

Then I fretted for you and missed you so much when you started school. You looked so tiny when we saw you off on the Hogwarts Express. I wanted to pack you up and apparate us all straight back home, but I knew I couldn't. You had to go to school sometime, and Hogwarts was the best school for you.

Your father was so proud when you said you wanted to be an Auror. I'd never seen him cry before then, but he wept with pride that night. He was so proud of you, and proud that you wanted to follow in his footsteps. I know you'll make him proud of you again when you achieve your goal.

I know that you've struggled with your feelings for Lily. I know how much she means to you. I'm certain it will all work out in the end my love. How can she possibly resist you? As you're father would say 'You are a Potter, she has to love you!' She will James. I know she will.

I want you to know that whatever happens in the future, your father and I will always be with you. We will always be proud of you and we will always, always love you. Don't ever forget we love you James.

Your adoring,

Mum

James looked down at the letter, a lump forming in the back of his throat. He coughed and folded the letter up, putting it in the pocket of his robes. 'Everything all right at home?' Sirius asked, seeing that James was obviously on the verge of becoming upset over something. 'Yeah, everything's fine', James grinned, and the four Marauders went off to start the days classes.

Later that morning James was in Charms. Sirius was sitting next to him and Lily, much to James's relief, was sitting diagonally behind him, near the back of the room. It meant that he didn't have to keep concentrating so hard on not looking at her. Professor Flitwick was at the front of the class, telling them that today they would learn to use a charm that would enable them to control a piece of chalk enough to write their name on the blackboard without having to physically touch the chalk. He taught them the charm, and demonstrated it 'Calligrio!' he cried, and a piece of chalk rose into the air. Professor Flitwick concentrated hard, looking rather a lot like he had wind or something, and suddenly letters started to form on the blackboard, neatly written, old fashioned looking letters. Soon the words 'Professor Flitwick' could be seen clearly on the board.

The teacher took each student through the charm, getting them to write their name on the board. Sirius managed it first time, looking quite impressed with himself, and then it was James's turn. He said the charm clearly, and concentrated hard on the chalk. It rose into the air – but then James was distracted for a second by a knock on the classroom door. His chalk seemed to reverse dramatically before shooting forward at a remarkable speed. James noticed in the corner of his eye that Professor Dumbledore had come into the room and was watching the scene.

Professor Flitwick tried to get out of the way of the speeding chalk, but it was too late, it kept coming at him, gathering speed. He was nearly knocked flying when the chalk hit him right in the middle of the forehead, leaving a little indentation behind. Flitwick was now underneath his desk, shaking a little. Dumbledore coughed to get Flitwick's attention and Flitwick hurried out from where he was taking cover. 'Excuse me Professor Flitwick', Dumbledore spoke softly, 'Would you come with me for a moment.' The two men left the room briefly, and then came back in, both of them looking drawn. Dumbledore spoke again. 'Professor, would you excuse Mr. Potter and Mr. Black please, I need to speak to them'. Flitwick nodded and James and Sirius looked at one another, wondering what they had done. Professor Dumbledore didn't call people out of classes for nothing.

The two boys followed as Dumbledore led them out into the corridor. They were led into an empty classroom next door to Flitwick's room. Sirius spoke first. 'Professor, I don't know what we've been accused of, but I promise you, it wasn't us'. 'I didn't mean to lose control of the chalk either' James said, thinking he was about to be punished for another accident with magic and a teacher.

Dumbledore nodded, a kind, soft expression on his face. 'Sit down both of you. I know you haven't done anything. As for Charms Potter, I have seen far worse accidents than that. I remember many years ago, a student doing that exact charm lost control of the chalk and it went straight up Professor McClusky's nose'. The boys grinned. Dumbledore suddenly looked sad, 'I haven't called you here to accuse you of anything. I'm afraid I must tell you something'.

The boys glanced at one another and sat down as they were asked. The room contained a few desks, only big enough for one person to sit at. There was a chair at the front of the room, in which, when each boy was seated at a desk, Dumbledore sat down. 'I'm afraid I have to tell you that the Death Eaters attacked again last night. They have committed more murders, but this time the victims were people you might think Voldemort would value. This time he chose to kill Purebloods'.

Sirius glanced at James who was focusing on Dumbledore. Sirius couldn't help hoping it was his family. They were right in it with Voldemort. It would serve them right if he'd turned on them. As soon as the thought crossed Sirius's mind, Dumbledore was rising and he placed a hand on James's shoulder. 'I'm sorry Potter. I'm still trying to find out all the details, but it would appear that your parents were visited by the Death Eaters last night…'

'YOU'RE A LIAR!' James was on his feet now, shaking, staring wide eyed at Dumbledore. 'I HAD A LETTER FROM MY MOTHER THIS MORNING, SO HOW CAN SHE BE DEAD?' Sirius was on his feet too, tears welling up in his eyes. Mary and Arthur Potter, two of the kindest, sweetest people in the world, were dead. Sirius couldn't take it in, he wanted to comfort James. Sirius felt like he had lost his parents too, but for James…..Sirius couldn't imagine how he must be feeling.

Dumbledore went on; trying to speak calmly, but James's reaction to the news caused him great pain. 'M-my i-information is th-that….' Dumbledore swallowed, breathed deeply and carried on, more steadily. 'My information is that your….that Mary and Arthur were held captive for a few hours before they were murdered. They died in the early hours of this morning apparently. Perhaps your mother wanted to use the time to write to you to say goodbye….'

James felt sick. He wanted to scream at Dumbledore, yell at him for sounding so calm when he'd just turned his entire world upside down. His parents, his mother, who he loved, who had written to him telling him how much she loved him and how she would always be with him, was dead. But Dumbledore was still speaking, 'I'm sorry Potter, but there can be no funeral. The Death Eaters destroyed the bodies, there are simply no bodies left to bury. I'm really very sorry your parents were….' 'NO!' James suddenly yelled. He knocked his seat over he moved so quickly, and it fell with a loud crash that echoed round the room, then he pushed past Dumbledore before running out of the classroom.

Sirius moved to go after his friend. He wanted to see that James was OK, but Dumbledore stopped him by gently placing a hand on his arm. 'I know you want to comfort your friend, Mr. Black, but a word, if I may, before you leave?'

Sirius looked at the door James had just run out of, and then he looked at Dumbledore, who still looked sad, but then Dumbledore looked firmly back at Sirius and he nodded, before resuming his seat. 'I realise this will be a sad loss for you too Black', Dumbledore spoke calmly. 'I know how close your friendship is to Potter, that you are more like brothers than best friends. I also know how much you cared for Arthur and Mary Potter' Sirius gulped. He knew he would never be able to repay the kindness the Potter's had shown to him, taking him in when his own family rejected him. 'So I know I don't really need to ask you to keep an eye on Potter for a while. He will need your friendship now more than ever'. Sirius nodded. He would do everything he could to help James. 'But Black, while I know you will take care of Potter, please don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. You might find it comes from where you least expect it'.

Sirius felt irritated. This was no time for Dumbledore to start being cryptic! But he didn't say anything. He swallowed hard, and nodded again. 'I have spoken to all your teachers and both you and Potter are excused attendance at classes for the rest of the day. However, from tomorrow I think it would be a good idea for you both to attend all your normal classes. I feel certain that the normality of the daily routine will help you both. Now, I think you will want to go and find your friend. But remember Black, don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it'. Sirius nodded quickly again and left the room.

After Charms, Lily knocked on the door of an unused classroom. She knew Professor Dumbledore would be in there because as soon as he'd left the lesson with James and Sirius following, Professor Flitwick had interrupted the class to tell them that Dumbledore had just received news that James Potter's parents were murdered by Death Eaters in the early hours of the morning. They'd been held captive all night before their deaths. The bodies were completely destroyed in the attack, so Potter wouldn't be able to lay them to rest properly. Lily was shocked by the news. She didn't know James's parents, but she knew that he was apparently an only child, and very close to them. Lily didn't know what to do. She wanted to find James and tell him how sorry she was. She wanted to tell him that she would do anything she could to help him. But Lily knew that he was hardly speaking to her at the moment, he'd even turned his back on her at breakfast again this morning, so he wouldn't want any comfort she could offer him. Professor Flitwick told them that Professor Dumbledore was breaking the news to Potter now, and as Sirius Black had lived with the Potters until very recently, it was felt that he should be with him. Flitwick said that Dumbledore wanted Potter's classmates to know so that they could offer Potter and Black their support.

Lily thought about this for the remainder of the lesson and then she waited until she thought James and Sirius would have left the room and she knocked at the door. She heard Dumbledore giving her permission to enter, and she went inside. Dumbledore was sitting in a chair at the front of the room, looking very wise, but very old and more tired than Lily had ever seen him. 'Ah Miss Evans' he smiled brightly as he saw her, a twinkle lighting up his wise eyes. 'What can I do for you?'

Lily swallowed. She knew Professor Dumbledore was a very kind old man, but she always found him slightly intimidating for some reason. Watching him as he sat in that chair, it was almost like looking down on royalty. 'I…um..e-excuse me Professor', Lily swallowed again and then went on, feeling a little better. Dumbledore was looking at her so kindly it was suddenly impossible to be intimidated. 'I've just heard the news about Potter's parents and I wondered if there was anything I could do to help him…I mean… you?'

Dumbledore looked at Lily and smiled almost tenderly at her. 'Thank you Miss Evans. I know that you haven't had the...well, the easiest of relationships with Mr. Potter,' Lily bowed her head. It seemed that everyone knew how bad things had become between her and James. 'But your offer is very kind. He will need all the support he can get at the moment I'm sure. For now Black is doing everything he can for Potter. But I will call on you if he needs reinforcements, you can be sure of that. Yes indeed, in one way or another, I will call on you if Black needs reinforcements'. Lily thanked Professor Dumbledore and left the room.

Sirius found James on the Quidditch pitch. He was alone because the morning lessons were still underway. Sirius got closer to his friend. James was wiping the corners of his mouth, but his gazed looked towards the horizon. He was shaking as the cold November wind blew across the exposed pitch. Sirius looked down and realised why James was wiping his mouth. The shock of the news he had just received had made him violently sick. 'Scourgify!' Sirius waved his wand, and the mess disappeared. James didn't move or speak. He was pale, almost deathly white. 'Come on in mate' Sirius spoke quietly. 'You'll catch your….you'll get cold out here'. Sirius touched James's hand, he was freezing. 'Come on mate, come back to the Common Room and I'll get you something warm to drink and you can sit by the fire for a bit. Dumbledore says we're excused classes for the rest of the day'.

But still James didn't move. He stood staring blankly into the distance. He wanted to speak to Sirius. He wanted to yell and cry. He wanted to go after the Death Eaters and Voldemort for what they had done to….but he couldn't do any of those things. His head felt like it was going to explode. Dumbledore's voice was going round and round. 'Your parents are dead…your parents are dead' but it still didn't make any sense. Mixed in with Dumbledore's voice a woman's voice was also in his head. 'We'll always be with you James…we love you… I love you James' over and over, taunting him. The voice made him feel more alone than he had ever felt before. He knew the voice belonged to his mother and that she was gone.

Sirius was becoming worried now. He knew James would be far better off inside the castle where it was warm, but he still wouldn't move. Sirius tried again. 'Come on mate, it's freezing out here, let's go back to the dorm'. James didn't speak but he turned around and walked back into the castle, Sirius's hand guiding him as he went.

The two went quickly through the Common Room which was still empty. They went up to the boys' dormitory. Remus and Peter were there, they'd heard the awful news which was now rapidly making its way around the castle. 'I'm really sorry Pr…' Remus said as they went into the room, but James didn't reply. He climbed onto his bed and pulled the curtain around, closing it as tightly as it would go.

James lay on his bed in the dormitory for the rest of the day. He didn't eat, and spoke to no one, not even Sirius who stayed with him when Remus and Peter returned to classes. By nightfall James still hadn't moved except to put his pyjamas on, which he did from behind the curtain around the bed. When he was undressed he got back into bed. He listened while the others said goodnight, and then he lay, wide awake all night.


	6. Darkest of All Days

**CHAPTER SIX: DARKEST OF ALL DAYS**

Over the next few days James remained virtually silent. He might occasionally reply to a question with the odd 'yes' or 'no' but other than that he wouldn't speak to anyone. He also appeared to become incapable of thinking for himself. Sirius guided him everywhere; he needed to be told to do even the smallest thing, like getting up in the mornings and getting dressed to go to breakfast and then classes.

James was also still not eating. He joined the Marauders in the Great Hall at mealtimes, but he wouldn't eat anything that appeared on his plate. He sat at the table drinking pumpkin juice or coffee until the meal things were cleared away. Then Sirius would guide him back to classes or the dormitory. Sirius persuaded him one break time to go to the Common Room with him, but a well meaning fourth year had come over and offered sympathy for his loss and he'd dashed up to the dormitory looking furious. It had taken Sirius ages to persuade him to come back down; they had to go to classes. James had eventually complied, but by the time he'd left the dormitory they were already late for Herbology. Fortunately all their teachers knew what had happened and were making allowances. Sirius was relieved. He didn't know how James would react if a teacher gave them detention at the moment.

Sirius was becoming really worried about James. He knew James was grieving and that it would take time for him to come to terms with what had happened, but it was as if he'd shut down. He didn't even go to Quidditch practice. Sirius had taken him down to the pitch for one practice session, but instead of joining in, he stood staring into space.

He also stopped doing patrol with Lily. Sirius noticed on more than one occasion that she looked across at James during meals. She even stood up one lunchtime, as if she was about to come over and speak to him, but as she did, her lips started to tremble and her eyes filled with tears. She'd left the Hall in a hurry. Sirius saw her at their next class. She had red eyes, like she'd been crying. He would have spoken to her after the class but he didn't know what to say. Besides, he could hardly turn round to James and tell him that he was just leaving him alone for a second to talk to Lily! James was still ignoring Lily, but it didn't mean anything now. James was practically ignoring anyone who looked at him. Sirius also knew that James wasn't sleeping. He continued to get ready for bed each night, but each morning his eyes looked just as heavy as the day before, dark circles had started to appear around them. Where James's eyes were once so bright they appeared to dance in his head, they now looked dull and lifeless.

Sirius lay awake one night. He was listening to James, trying to find out if he was getting any sleep at all. The curtains around Sirius's bed lay open. He stopped pulling them closed the night after James's parent's deaths, he wanted to be able to get to James quickly if he needed him in the night.

After a couple of hours of lying there, Sirius lowered his eyelids as James's curtain drew back. He didn't want James to think he was watching over him too much or fussing. Sirius opened his eyes just enough to see what James was doing. He watched as James rummaged through his trunk before pulling something out. Then he looked on as James walked out of the dormitory, dragging an almost fluid-like piece of cloth behind him. Sirius lay on his bed for a moment or two, and then he quietly crept out of the dormitory and into the Common Room.

The remains of a fire flickered in the grate. Sirius looked around the darkened room before his eyes came to rest on a strange sight. He looked through the dimness and could make out the backs of two hands appearing to float in mid-air and the lower part of two legs on the floor, resting against the back of one of the comfy easy chairs that littered the Common Room. Most people would have been surprised at this sight, but Sirius knew what it was. James had found his invisibility cloak that he kept in his trunk. He had gone down to the empty Common Room with it. Sirius could work out from the position he was in that James was now sat in one of the chairs in the Common Room; the invisibility cloak over him, his head in his hands, covering what Sirius knew would be his face, if it weren't hidden by the cloak.

Tentatively Sirius moved a little closer. He hoped James wasn't upset. He'd never seen James cry before and he wasn't sure he wanted to start now. As he moved closer he heard no sound from James at all. Sirius wondered if his friend was sleeping; maybe for some reason he found it easier to sleep in the Common Room. He made the decision not to disturb him. He quietly turned around and crept back to bed.

When Sirius woke the next day James was back in bed. His curtains, which he'd left open when he went to the Common Room in the night, were shut tightly again. Sirius got out of bed. He went over to James's bed, pulled back his curtain and could see that he was awake, the dark circles around his eyes deeper than ever. 'Come on mate, get dressed, it's time for breakfast', Sirius said quietly. James got out of bed, dressed himself, and followed Sirius to the Hall.

Lily Evans sat outside the castle one lunch time. She was by the lake. It was cold outside but Lily couldn't feel it. She was crying. Her tears were flowing down her face, blinding her. She had just been in the Great Hall at lunch and had looked up at James Potter. Lily was startled when she looked at him. In classes she didn't get time to look at him properly, there was always something to do now that the NEWT exams were getting closer. They would sit them in the spring and the teachers were making sure the 7th years knew everything they needed to know to get the best results.

Lily wasn't thinking about the exams as she sat by the lake. Her mind was dwelling on James Potter. She thought about what she had just seen. Sitting at the table in the Great Hall Lily looked up and could hardly believe her eyes. James wasn't eating; he was sitting there drinking a cup of coffee. He wasn't talking to any of his friends. He was sitting in complete silence, staring into space. Lily was horrified at the state he was in. His hair, which Lily knew was always untidy, was worse than ever. It looked matted, like it hadn't been combed properly for days. He looked pale and terribly thin. His face looked gaunt. Lily looked at his eyes. They used to give the impression they danced as he spoke or laughed, but now they were dim and lifeless. Lily got up to go and speak to him, but as she did, she knew he was still not even looking at her. He wouldn't want her bothering him. He didn't care about her or anyone any more. He was lost in the pain of losing his parents. Nothing else mattered. Lily felt her tears building inside her. Her lips trembled and she ran from the Great Hall. She was now sitting by the lake, sobbing because James Potter was in pain and there was nothing she could do to make it better


	7. A Terrible Christmas

**CHAPTER SEVEN: A TERRIBLE CHRISTMAS**

November crawled on and eventually made way for December. James was still no better. Sirius was becoming really frightened by how thin his friend had become. His clothes were hanging from him. After a while Sirius went to see Madam Pomphrey in the Hospital Wing to see if she could suggest anything. She gave him a potion for James to drink. He was to put it in a drink twice a day. She warned him that it wouldn't make James gain weight, only eating again would do that, but it would give his body the nutrition he needed to keep him well. Sirius was relieved. He didn't think his friend was strong enough at the moment to deal with an illness. At the moment, Remus Lupin, who practically always looked skinny and ill, looked fitter than James Potter.

Sirius thought of the Marauders. Peter didn't know how to cope with the state James was in, or with the heavy atmosphere in the dormitory that felt like it was dragging everyone down, so he'd started to spend more time alone. Then he announced that he would be going home for Christmas this year. Sirius was surprised by this. He remembered how on the train at the beginning of term, the Marauders were talking about how they'd spent the summer. Peter had said he'd spent most of it alone because his family had gone away on holiday and left him behind. Sirius realised that Peter just couldn't deal with the way James was behaving, so he'd chosen to go home rather than spend Christmas at school with his friends.

Remus had also decided to go home for Christmas. He was looking tired and ill. Sirius knew why. He'd had to cope for a month by himself. Whereas the Marauders would normally go out of their way to be with Remus each full moon, he had to deal with its consequences alone now. Remus explained to Sirius that he would be OK at home over Christmas and New Year. His parents would help him as much as they could.

It hurt Sirius to think that James's parent's deaths had touched all their lives in various ways. He continued to notice Lily Evans watching James sometimes. She always had tears in her eyes now and kept looking at James as if she really wanted to speak to him, but when she tried to come over to him she would burst into tears and run from the room. Sirius wasn't sure if James noticed; if he did, he didn't react. But Sirius knew James didn't react to much these days. It was as if part of him had died with his parents.

Christmas was just a couple of weeks away now. The castle's decorations were up in the Great Hall, as magnificent as ever. A thick layer of snow covered the castle grounds, the whiteness covering everything in sight.

Sirius smiled sadly as he remembered Christmas's from past years when he and James had snow-fights. He grinned as he remembered one year James had dropped a snowball down the front of Lily Evans robes, and had then offered to help remove it for her – she made the mistake of asking James if he meant the snowball or the robe, and he'd beamed at her wickedly before replying 'Both if you like, will you go out with me?' Sirius had roared laughing when Lily had gathered a handful of snow, pushed it into a ball, and threw it as hard as she could at James's face. Then she'd stalked off, her nose in the air, and tripped up over a tree root that was hidden by the snow. James had run over to help her up, but she'd got up herself, shouted at James to leave her alone and then disappeared back into the castle. Sirius felt like crying. He wished life was that simple now.

One of the last lessons before the beginning of the Christmas break was Transfiguration. This was easily James's best subject. Lily entered the class ahead of Sirius who was still guiding James around. Lily had to avert her eyes quickly when she saw James. She didn't want to burst into tears in a lesson.

Sirius manoeuvred James to a seat about halfway down the classroom and then he sat next to him. Professor McGonagall entered the room and told everyone what they would be doing that day. Then she told them to get out their wands. There was a general clutter as everyone did as they were asked. Everyone that is, except James. Sirius nudged him and told him to get his wand. James didn't move. He sat and stared into the distance somewhere.

Professor McGonagall looked at James Potter. She could see he wasn't any better. She had spoken to Dumbledore about the situation but he didn't seem to know what to do for the best. McGonagall realised that only time would mend the wounds Potter was suffering from.

Professor McGonagall coughed and then spoke. 'Potter, I asked you to get your wand please. I'm waiting to start the lesson' She tried to sound firm. She hoped that it might stir some reaction in James. She felt certain that if he could just start taking an interest in things again it would help him. James still didn't stir. 'Potter I'm waiting' Still no reaction or movement came from the boy. McGonagall tried a different approach. 'Look Potter, I realise you are still upset about your parent's deaths but…..'

McGonagall didn't manage to complete what she was saying. James was stood now, his eyes wide open. He was shaking violently, his features livid with fury. 'DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME HOW I FEEL!' he screamed. 'DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME I'M UPSET! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE YOU PATHETIC OLD HAG!' and he ran from the room, slamming the door behind him.

McGonagall looked shaken. She knew Potter could be cheeky, she knew he got himself into trouble with his friends, but she had never heard him speak to her or anyone, like that. The shock made her legs feel weak and she perched for a moment on the front of her desk.

Sirius remained seated in the classroom, a confused expression on his face, his mouth wide open, gaping. He knew James got on with McGonagall. He'd never spoken to her like that before. 'I-I'm really sorry Professor' he stammered. 'May I be excused please?' McGonagall still looked stunned, but she nodded and Sirius quietly left the classroom.

Sirius didn't have to go very far to find James. He'd barely gone halfway down the corridor before he found him, sitting on the floor. He was silent and staring through one of the small windows that lined the corridors of the castle. 'Come on', Sirius tried to sound bright. 'You can't sit there all day mate, we've got classes, and you know how clumsy those little first years are, they'll trample all over you!' James neither moved nor spoke. 'Prongs please, get up,' Sirius was getting worried now. Still James didn't move. Sirius didn't know what to do. James was sitting there silently and was rocking himself backwards and forwards, just enough for Sirius to feel scared. 'Stay there mate, I'll get some help' and he ran back down the corridor to Professor McGonagall's room as fast as his legs would carry him. He entered the room without knocking, making everyone jump. Lily's eyes widened as she saw Sirius, but he didn't look at her. Professor McGonagall looked at him, alarmed. 'I'm sorry Professor, could you come with me a minute, something is wrong with Potter' Sirius glanced at Lily as the colour drained from her face, but he couldn't speak to her now. 'Where is he?' McGonagall demanded quickly as she followed Sirius.

They found James in the exact spot Sirius had left him. McGonagall peered down to him. 'Come along Potter, you can't sit there all day, you'll be in the way' she tried. James didn't even so much as register that he heard her. 'Potter come on, you've got classes to go to'. He didn't even blink. Then, to Sirius's amazement, Professor McGonagall got down on her knees beside James. 'Prof…' Sirius began, he was trying to get James up, not encourage him to stay there!

McGonagall silenced him with a wave of her hand. She made herself comfortable next to James. 'Good spot you've picked here Potter, you can see all the way down the corridors' she was speaking calmly, as if a student sitting on the floor of the corridor refusing to move was a daily occurrence. 'The only drawback of course is that you can't see the Quidditch pitch from here' she said, following James's gaze through the windows. Sirius groaned under his breath. If McGonagall got James talking about Quidditch, he'd definitely be in the corridor all day!

McGonagall ignored Sirius's groan. Her full attention was on James Potter. After a while she started to shift as if she wasn't comfortable any more. 'Oh dear, Potter I'm going to have to get up. One of the downfalls of old age is rheumatism. These hard floors play havoc with my knees. Will you help me up?' James stirred. He looked Professor McGonagall straight in the eye and then he rose. He took her hand and helped her back to her feet before he stood gazing into the distance again. 'That's it, that's much better' McGonagall spoke softly. She guided James around and then spoke again. 'Right young man, I think enough is enough. It's time we paid a visit to the Hospital Wing. You need some rest'. She took James by the hand. He meekly followed her. Sirius followed behind, trying as hard as he could not to cry.

James Potter lay in the Hospital Wing. He'd been there for a few days now, but he couldn't remember how he got there or what he was there for. He vaguely remembered being in Transfiguration a few days ago but then everything after that was a complete blank. He thought that perhaps something had happened in the lesson. He was aware of a heavy feeling in his chest, like something had been dropped on it, so perhaps it was that? Perhaps there had been some sort of accident and he was hurt, so why didn't he feel ill? Except for this heaviness in his chest, an aching tiredness and the voices in his head he felt fine….the voices…..

James thought about this. Yes, it was true; he had voices in his head. He could hear them clearly and had been able to for so long now he could barely remember what it was like not to have them. He thought it was odd that he knew the voices belonged to a man and a woman. They weren't talking to each other; they were speaking to him, saying the same things over and over. James listened to them. 'Your parents are dead…your parents are dead.' James knew the man's voice belonged to Dumbledore. He listened closer as the woman's voice played in his head. 'We'll always be with you James…we love you… I love you James'.

James flinched as he remembered this voice. He knew it was his mother. Then it came back to him. He was in the Hospital Wing because his parents had been murdered by the Death Eaters. He remembered this almost as if he was thinking about something normal, something that happened so routinely he didn't have to give it special consideration. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered any more. He remembered why he felt so tired. It was because he wouldn't sleep. He tried to sleep in the first few days after his parent's deaths, but he couldn't. Every time he tried to close his eyes the voices grew louder. He was frightened to sleep. Madam Pomphrey had tried to give him a sleeping potion but he'd refused to swallow it. In the end she'd walked away from him shaking her head in frustration. It didn't matter. He wanted to die.

Sirius went to see James in the Hospital Wing every day. Lessons were now finished until after Christmas. Sirius was glad because it meant he could visit James and help him to get better. Not that he _was_ any better.

Madam Pomphrey had taken over the responsibility of giving James the potion which replaced the food he wouldn't eat. He was still painfully thin, but no more so than he had been a few days ago. He still wouldn't talk to anyone.

Sirius was becoming nervous that since James had flared up at Professor McGonagall like that, there was every chance he would explode again at someone. He was apparently still not sleeping and had refused a sleeping potion Madam Pomphrey wanted to give him. Sirius walked up to the Hospital Wing again today; hopefully this would be the day he got through to James.

'Hi Prongs', Sirius said cheerfully. 'Soon be Christmas mate, it's snowing outside and freezing' James didn't reply. He carried on looking up at the ceiling. 'Moony and Wormtail decided to go home for Christmas this year' Sirius knew he was sounding awkward. It was hard to talk to someone when they wouldn't answer you back. In classes and in the dorm it was easier, but it seemed like hard work in the Hospital Wing, especially with Madam Pomphrey hovering about.

'Look mate, can you talk to me?' Sirius thought it was worth a go. No reply. Sirius started to feel irritated now. 'Look Prongs, I know you miss your parents and everything but the least you could…..' James suddenly sat bolt upright, a look of indignant fury over his face. 'YOU COME IN HERE, TELLING ME YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL! GET OUT!' he ranted. 'But Prongs, mate', Sirius said, trying to sound calm and reasonable. 'THEY WERE MY PARENTS NOT YOURS, GET OUT!' James yelled again, rage contorting his features. 'B-but m-mate p-p-please' Sirius backed away. His heart was pumping so fast he felt nauseous. His voice was becoming unsteady as the tears built up in the back of his throat. 'M-m-mate, c-c-come on', 'I-It's m-m-me, P-P-Pad-f-f-foot!' For reply James started to throw things. Everything he could reach, fruit that was on his bedside table, a wooden fruit bowl, an unlit candle, he threw. Sirius tried to dive out of the way as something hit him on the head. He glanced quickly back at James who still looked enraged, before turning around, running from the Hospital Wing and bursting into tears.


	8. Starting Again

**CHAPTER EIGHT: STARTING AGAIN**

Sirius kept running until he was well away from the Hospital Wing. He couldn't think what he'd done to set James off like that. He realised he shouldn't have got irritated with him, but it drove him mad when James just lay there, not speaking or anything.

Sirius was still crying. He pushed the tears away quickly. He had to think what to do next. It came to him like a flash of lightening. He had to speak to Dumbledore; he would know what to do.

Sirius walked around the grounds thinking how he could find Dumbledore. He knew where his office was, he'd been in there often enough after the Marauders had been caught pulling pranks, but he knew Dumbledore had a password that allowed entry to his office and Sirius didn't know what it was! He was getting frustrated with himself. James was up in that Hospital Wing and the only one who could help him was Dumbledore and he didn't know how to get to him!

Sirius was near the lake now. The cold winter winds blew across the water like ice. Snow lay on the ground, thick in places, black and slushy in others. Sirius pulled his robes around himself. Then something caught his eye. An old man was standing in the distance, on the bank of the lake. Sirius could hardly believe his eyes. 'Professor Dumbledore!' he yelled.

Sirius made his way towards Dumbledore. 'Ah, Mr. Black', Dumbledore smiled serenely as Sirius approached. 'Professor, I'm really glad to see you'. Sirius really was glad to see the Headmaster. He felt like he could have burst into tears again, the relief was so strong.

Dumbledore looked at Sirius as if he already knew what he was going to say. 'You've come to me about Potter haven't you?' Sirius wanted to know how Dumbledore knew, but he nodded. Dumbledore went on speaking calmly, 'I know he is in the Hospital Wing. I understand that he has had a terrible bereavement, but it is time he started on the road to recovery now' Sirius nodded again. 'Yes Sir, but how?' Dumbledore looked like he was deep in thought for a moment and then he replied. 'Speak to Lily Evans.' Sirius looked at Dumbledore as if he hadn't heard him properly. 'Professor, Did you just tell me to….?' 'I told you to speak to Lily Evans. She will know what to do, I'm sure.' 'Sir, Lily Evans? Really?' Sirius asked hesitantly. Dumbledore nodded firmly. 'Trust me Black. Lily Evans will know what to do.' Sirius nodded. He went back to the castle to find Lily.

Lily had decided not to go home for Christmas. There were two reasons for this. First she'd had a letter from her mother, telling her that Petunia, her sister, had got engaged to that horrible Vernon Dursley. The idea of spending Christmas having to endure Petunia and Vernon slobbering all over each other made Lily's skin crawl. Hogwarts was a much better place to spend Christmas.

There was also another reason. Lily felt like crying every time she thought about James Potter. She knew he was in the Hospital Wing. Lily had been in Transfiguration on the day James had shouted at McGonagall before he stormed out. Sirius had gone after him only to come back minutes later saying something was wrong! Lily felt faint when Sirius said that. She felt as if she wanted to run into the corridors and find James, but she knew her legs would never hold her upright. Lily hoped he was better by now, but she couldn't work up the courage to go and see him.

She now sat in the Gryffindor Common Room thinking about James. Suddenly Lily heard someone calling her name. She looked towards the portrait hole. She could have sworn she heard The Fat Lady wolf whistle! Lily heard a voice 'Oh shut up you silly cow!' and Sirius came into the room.

'Lily, thank God' Lily could see Sirius looked upset. She knew immediately why. She didn't need to be told. Lily realised he looked relieved to see her. She shifted nervously in her seat and asked the question she'd been dying to ask for days. 'S-Sirius how is he?' To Lily's astonishment, Sirius flopped into one of the seats, and burst into tears. Lily's heart turned over in her chest. She had never seen Sirius Black cry before. After a moment he pulled himself together. 'Lily will you please go and see him?' he pleaded. Lily felt frightened. 'But he won't want me there! He's ignored me for weeks!' Sirius made a sound in the back of his throat like a grunt. 'He's ignored you because firstly, he thought you hated him for what he did to Slughorn, and secondly because he was told it was the only way you would take him seriously, and thirdly Lily, because his parents were murdered by that evil ba'…' 'But what can I do?' Lily was nearly in tears now. 'Lily you could make all the difference to him, all the difference in the world' Sirius sighed deeply as he spoke. Lily thought about this. Could she really make that much difference to James? She nodded uncertainly at Sirius. 'Yes, all right. I'll go. I'll go now'. She got up and went to the Hospital Wing.

James lay staring into space after his outburst at Sirius. The rage had worn off almost as quickly as it had come. It was replaced by that now familiar weight on his chest, and those voices in his head. 'Your parents are dead…your parents are dead'… 'We'll always be with you James…we love you… I love you James' over and over again.

James couldn't stand it much longer. Those voices would drive him mad. He carried on staring at the ceiling, willing the voices to stop. Suddenly he heard a sound. 'James' He couldn't think where it came from. It sounded different to either of the voices in his head. 'James' There it was again. It was a soft voice. It was a familiar sound but he couldn't think where he knew it from. Where was it coming from?

It suddenly occurred to him that the voices in his head had stopped. For the first time in weeks his head was totally silent. 'James' He sat up slowly. He looked around and then he saw her. The most gorgeous girl he had ever seen was standing by his bedside. He looked up at her, hardly breathing. He gasped. He couldn't think any more. He suddenly felt the weight around his chest lift slightly.

Lily moved closer to him. He opened his mouth. He really wanted to talk to her. But as soon as he opened his mouth to speak he could hear another sound. Someone somewhere was crying. In fact, they weren't just crying. It sounded like they were in agony; the sounds were like an animal being gored to death with a thousand spears. His face suddenly felt wet and even though he was wearing his glasses, he still couldn't see properly. Something was making his vision blurred. He realised it was him that was crying. Then he felt someone put their arms around him and pull him close, someone else's tears fell into his hair. 'Shh, it's all right, I'm here now. Everything will be all right'. She held him in her arms while he sobbed.

Lily didn't know how long she stood like that, holding James while he cried. All she knew was that she cried too, huge, red hot tears fell into his hair. She tried to wipe them away but she couldn't make herself let go of him. He needed her.

After a while she felt his sobs subsiding. He sounded exhausted. 'L-Lily y-you c-came'. She nodded, wiping her eyes. 'I-I'm r-really s-sorry L-Lily, I-I m-missed y-you s-so m-much'. She held him again for a second. 'I missed you too. It'll be all right now'. He pulled away from her and looked into her face. Then he yawned. 'S-sorry, I-I'm j-just s-so t-tired'. 'Lie down and go to sleep then. It'll be all right now' she soothed gently. 'Y-you w-won't l-leave m-me w-will y-you?' he looked terrified. Lily shook her head firmly, 'No James, I'll stay right here. You lie down now and sleep. Everything will be all right'.

James lay down and closed his eyes. Lily sat down in a chair by the bed. Every now and then he opened his eyes, checking if she was still there. In the end Lily took his hand in hers. 'I promise you James, I'm not going anywhere. Now go to sleep'. He closed his eyes and fell into his first decent sleep for days.

How long James slept for he didn't know. He just knew that when he woke up, the Hospital Wing was in semi-darkness. He looked around and could see someone sitting by his bed, holding his hand. His heart raced a little as he realised it was Lily Evans.

His mind went over what happened before he fell asleep. Lily had appeared at the side of his bed and had said his first name. He made an idiot of himself by bursting into tears! Then he realised he was tired and she'd told him to go to sleep, and had stayed while he did!

Lily looked down on James as she realised he had woken up. 'Hi, you've been sleeping for hours. Do you feel any better?' James could hardly believe it. She was here, sitting with him, holding his hand, and asking him how he was! 'Yeah, I think I do'. He swallowed and then went on, bowing his head. 'Look Lily, I'm sorry about the crying and everything'. She shook her head. 'Don't be sorry James. I'm just glad you feel better for it. I feel bad for not coming to see you sooner. I wanted to, but I didn't think you'd want to see me. I swear James, if I'd known that my coming to see you would have helped, I'd have come a lot earlier than this.'

James looked up at Lily and smiled. It was the first smile she'd seen from him for ages. It made her feel light headed. 'Forget it Lily. You came in the end, that's all that matters' She nodded and smiled, overcome with gratitude that he looked so much better. 'Is there anything you need while I'm here?' James thought for a second. Then he smiled again and licked his lips. 'You know what, I'm starving!' Lily laughed. 'OK, stay right there and I'll see what I can do'. James grasped her hand tightly as she stood up. Lily's breath caught in her throat; she felt light headed again. 'Just one more thing Lily' she looked down on him quizzically. 'What James?' 'Could we be friends?' Lily smiled broadly. 'Yes James, we can definitely be friends. Now, what do you want to eat?'


	9. Friends

**CHAPTER NINE: FRIENDS**

James stayed in the Hospital Wing until the day after Christmas. In the end Madam Pomphrey had virtually thrown him out saying that if she didn't, he'd soon start eating the bedding. It was true. James's appetite had come back. He was eating everything put in front of him, and often had seconds. By the time he was ready to leave the Hospital Wing he looked almost like his old self. He was sleeping much better and his hair was now only as untidy as it had been before the events of the last few weeks had happened.

The major difference in James wasn't so much how he looked, but in his attitude. He was a lot quieter. He thought about things more. He realised that this was largely due to everything that had happened. He thought about his parents often. He still missed them, but whereas before it felt like a big black tunnel he couldn't see the end of, or a weight on his chest that was crushing him, it was now something completely different. Sometimes he still felt like crying when he talked about them. Silly things would set him off, but on the whole now, he could look back on the happy times he had with them. Even Voldemort couldn't wipe out the happy memories. James knew now that as long as he remembered his parents, they would always be with him. They would want him to get on with his life now and that was what he was going to do.

In his last few days in the Hospital Wing James had visitors. He was surprised one afternoon to see Professor McGonagall standing at the bottom of his bed. James could only vaguely remember now what had happened the last time he was in Transfiguration, he knew he had some explaining to do. 'Professor McGonagall, I am really sorry for the way I spoke to you. I should never have…' Minerva McGonagall shook her head. 'Don't worry about it Potter. Let's just agree that you didn't know what you were saying' James felt giddy with relief. But then McGonagall looked at him more firmly. 'But if you ever speak to me like that again I'll….' Something from the past tugged at the corners of James's mouth and he smiled sweetly at Professor McGonagall. 'You'll give me detention Professor?' McGonagall looked confused, appearing to forget what she was going to say. 'Who said anything about detention? Why would I give you detention?' James chuckled. He could obviously still charm Professor McGonagall! She walked away muttering to herself about detentions and smiling and silly boys.

Later that evening Sirius came to the Hospital Wing. James couldn't help but notice how strained and edgy Sirius appeared to be. He wondered why until he remembered another of his outbursts. This one had to be put right. 'Hi Padfoot…er Sirius'. Sirius smiled nervously. 'Hi Prongs…er James' he mimicked. The two laughed briefly. James swallowed and took a breath before he spoke. 'Look, Padfoot, mate, I'm really, really sorry, I shouldn't have said what I said. I know they were my parents but…' James swallowed again, 'But they thought a lot of you too…and so do I'.

Sirius beamed at James, looking almost beside himself with glee. 'Oh shut up you silly tart, you'll be proposing in a minute, and sorry mate, you're just not my type…now, did I tell you, The Fat Lady fancies me?' James felt relieved again, but confused too. 'Padfoot, unless you've failed to notice, The Fat Lady is a portrait. She blocks the entrance to the Gryffindor Common Room, we have to give her passwords to get in, remember?' Sirius rolled his eyes in mock exasperation, 'I know what she is and where she is you silly sod, and I'm telling you she fancies me!' James shook his head. Sirius had definitely gone crackers in his absence. 'Go on then, I'll take the bait, how do you know she fancies you?' Sirius grinned wickedly. 'Because pal, she wolf whistled at me the other day' James nearly hurt himself he was laughing so much. 'She did what?' Sirius was laughing too, enjoying the way James was back to normal. 'She wolf whistled at me! She saw me and she wolf whistled at me! She's got such great taste!'

The two boys laughed hysterically until Madam Pomphrey came along and threatened to throw Sirius out for disturbing the patient. But then James noticed something on Sirius's forehead and stopped laughing. 'What happened to your head? How did you get that bruise?' Sirius closed his eyes, and thought. He wondered how to answer this. He decided it was better to be honest. 'Actually mate, you did it, you threw some stuff at me.' James was mortified. 'But I couldn't…I mean…' Sirius shrugged and laughed softly. 'Forget it. It was just a lucky shot with an orange' James shook his head. 'There is one thing though' Sirius beamed. 'What?' replied James; he couldn't see anything remotely funny in this. 'You'd better get back to Quidditch as soon as possible. You've started to throw like a girl!'

Sirius left the Hospital Wing roaring with laughter at the memory of watching Gryffindor's best Chaser throwing like a girl! James grinned as he watched Sirius walk away. James Potter was back!

Lily Evans was spending time with James too. He was pleased they were friends. It would do for now. He realised that he wanted much more than that, but he also knew he didn't want to push her away again.

James accepted now that Lily didn't feel for him as he did for her. He knew she had come to see him that day when he cried, and she'd been to see him every day since, but she only wanted friendship while he wanted…he pushed the thought away. If Lily wanted a friend, then a friend was what she was going to get. They were making good progress too. She was sitting with him in the Common Room one afternoon. Remus and Peter had got back from their holidays that morning, pleased to see James looking so much better. New Year had just passed and the new term was rapidly approaching. James asked Lily if she knew how Gryffindor had been doing in Quidditch practice. He had stopped following the sport after his parents died. 'I'm sorry James, I don't know, I don't follow Quidditch. I've never been to a match' Lily said casually.

James nearly choked on the Pumpkin Juice he was drinking. 'Lily Evans, how can you say that?' 'I say it James, because it's true, I don't understand Quidditch' she smiled softly at the shocked expression on his face. James rolled his eyes in mock exasperation. 'My dear girl you've had such a poor education, allow me to tell you about Quidditch'.

James spent the next half an hour telling Lily all about the sport he loved. By the time he was finished she looked impressed and promised him that at some point she would watch him play. James was elated, but he dare not show it. He wanted to ask her about something. When James was talking about Quidditch, Lily pulled a face when he said the words 'brooms' and 'flying'. James loved to fly. 'Why don't you like flying Lily?' he asked. 'I don't dislike flying James, I hate it!' James couldn't suppress a grin. 'But Lily you're a witch!' Lily smiled and James's heart raced. She smiled at him! 'Yes James, I'm a witch and I hate flying on brooms!' James laughed softly. 'But why do you hate it?' Lily sighed. She wasn't going to get out of this. 'Because I fell off a broom in the first year, after that I wouldn't go near a broom. I'm scared of flying.' James stopped laughing. He did vaguely remember Lily falling off a broom in the first year. How could he have forgotten that! 'Would you let me take you flying Lily?' he'd asked the question before he thought. He knew she would say no. In spite of everything he was still an idiot! 'Would you promise not to let me fall?' Lily asked nervously. 'Of course I would' he answered, almost mechanically. His heart thumped wildly…she wasn't going to….surely she wasn't. 'Then yes James, I'd love to go flying with you'. 'Good, we'll go tonight'. He replied, almost too shocked to believe that she, Lily Evans, the most gorgeous girl he had ever laid eyes on, was going flying with him.

James waited for Lily on the steps of the castle that night. He was pacing up and down with nerves. 'Why did I ask her to go flying with me?' he thought. 'I'm in such a state I'm bound to crash the broom or throw her off, and then she'll think I've done it deliberately to scare her, that's if she turns up at all. That's it, she won't turn up, she'll…' 'James' a voice cut across his thoughts. It was a very familiar voice. James suddenly felt weak at the knees. He turned. Lily was standing behind him looking every bit as nervous as he felt. 'James, I'm ready to go flying with you'. She smiled at him tentatively. James struggled to stay upright. She was waiting to go flying with him! He grinned at her. 'Come on then, let's go flying'. He quietly took her hand. He noticed it shook a little when he took hold of it. 'It's all right Lily. I promise I'll take care of you'. He understood she was scared. 'I know you will' she replied, almost whispering. Lily's throat was dry. He was much too close to her!

They made their way to the shed that stored the Quidditch brooms. James found his quickly and then went back to Lily. 'Right, now the worst bits for you might be take-off and landing. You might want to hold the broom tightly for that. Other than that, you'll be fine. I won't go too fast, I promise.' Lily nodded. Her heart was beating furiously now and she felt a bit dizzy. She knew perfectly well that it was nothing to do with the thought of flying and everything to do with who she was going flying with! Lily went weak at the knees when James smiled at her again 'Ready then Lily?' 'Yes James, I'm ready'.

They got onto the broom and James kicked off from the ground. The broom took off gently. He expected Lily to grab the broom and start screaming to be put back down but she didn't. James suddenly felt two arms go around him, holding him tightly. She was so close he could feel her heartbeat. 'She's really frightened', he thought. 'Her heart is going mad'. Lily, on the other hand, felt like cheering. She was alone with James Potter and she had her arms around him. She felt safer on that broom than anywhere else in the world.

They flew around the castle for an hour. Lily kept her arms around James all the time. He couldn't believe it. It made him even more careful to fly safely, firstly because he knew she was obviously so terrified she couldn't let go of him and secondly, because if he flew erratically he knew she would demand she be put back down, and he'd have to move out of her arms. He didn't want to do that just yet.

Eventually James reluctantly decided they should land and he did so as lightly as he could. Lily still didn't let go of him. He coughed and then said 'Lily it's safe now, you can let go of me'. Lily let go of James, but she knew she would rather have stayed where she was. They both got off the broom bumping into each other as they lost their balance. James held his breath, 'She's so close I could easily…' Lily gulped, 'He's so close all I would have to do is…..' They looked into each others eyes. 'I think we should go inside Lily' James said after a moment. He knew now he was still an idiot. He had really wanted to kiss her. 'Yes, we had better get back inside' Lily replied. She was so disappointed. She knew that James no longer cared for her like that. She was his friend, nothing else. It was a shame, Lily thought. She had really wanted to kiss him. The two walked back to the castle together.


	10. Truth at Last

**CHAPTER TEN: TRUTH AT LAST**

The new term had begun. Christmas was well and truly over and the teachers were pushing the NEWTS students harder than ever. The exams were now just weeks away. Spring was just around the corner. James had caught up with all the work he'd missed while he was so low after his parents deaths and was now also back doing patrols with Lily. He'd almost forgotten he was Head Boy! A twinge of sadness caught him when he remembered how proud his parents had been. It made him all the more determined to be good at it.

James was also helping Lily with her Transfiguration. They were spending time after patrols in the Common Room that was set aside for their private use. They were patrolling together now rather than each patrolling a specific area and then meeting up when it was done; they agreed it was probably safer that way. Neither wanted to admit that the real reason they did patrols together was because they enjoyed each other's company.

James enjoyed helping Lily with Transfiguration and she was improving all the time. They were sitting together now at a small table that James had conjured up at the start of each lesson. They had completed patrol earlier and decided that the lessons were even more important now as the exams were getting closer. They had nearly finished for the night when Lily asked a question. 'James, what were your parents like?' James smiled warmly. 'Oh they were great. Dad taught me to fly and he taught me to play Quidditch and he helped me to decide I want to be an Auror. Dad was one, and a good one too'. Lily swallowed. She was touched by the way James's eyes shone when he spoke about his father. 'What about your Mum, What was she like?' James considered. He didn't know how to explain it. He swallowed hard. 'Mum was…she was…' the back of his throat burned. He covered his eyes with his hands, pushing his glasses aside. 'Damn it Potter, don't you dare cry!' he thought, angry with himself.

Lily felt suddenly anxious. 'I'm sorry James I didn't mean to upset you. I just wondered what they were like. I'm really sorry' she said quickly. 'I've opened my big mouth and upset him' she thought, annoyed at her tactlessness. James swallowed hard, trying to steady himself. 'You haven't upset me Lily, it's just that Mum was…amazing. She was good and sweet and kind. She was just amazing' James kept his hands over his face as the tears in the back of his throat faded. Suddenly he felt something brush his cheek. 'So are you' a voice said.

James lowered his hands away from his face. Lily was sitting down, her cheeks as red as her hair. James had to know if she had just done and said what he thought she had just done and said. 'Lily, I know this sounds conceited and you're bound to get angry with me, but what did you just say?' Lily looked down. She was shy now. She had just kissed him and told him she thought he was amazing. She recovered her courage. It was what she felt after all. 'I'm not angry with you James' his eyes widened in shock. She smiled. 'I said so are you' he looked confused. She smiled again. 'I said you are amazing James Potter'.

James was stunned. 'Lily Evans thinks I'm amazing!' He was staggered. 'And then I kissed you.' Lily couldn't believe how bold she was being! She had kissed him! James could have fallen off his chair. She had kissed him! 'Why Lily?' he tried to keep his voice even and calm. Lily gazed at him as if she thought he was asking her something really obvious. 'Because James, I love you'. Excitement exploded in James's stomach. Lily Evans loved him! Then reality kicked in; 'No you don't Lily' he said flatly, struggling to sound relaxed. Lily couldn't believe this! This wasn't how he was supposed to react! 'Yes I do!' she was trying to stay calm but tears were starting to build up inside her. 'No Lily, you don't. You might feel friendship for me, but you don't love me. What you feel Lily is pity, because my parents died and you know I miss them'. He knew he had to be reasonable. Lily was persistent. 'James, I don't pity you…oh I know you miss your parents and I am truly sorry they died, but I don't pity you James, I love you' she insisted. James suddenly felt giddy but he had to make her see sense. She couldn't possibly love him. 'Lily I'm sorry but you do pity me. I don't want your pity. I want you to love me as much as I love you'.

Lily was crying now. She had to make him see she was telling him the truth. 'B-But James, I d-do!' Then she got angry with him. How dare he say she didn't love him! 'Damn you James Potter, I do love you, but fine, if you don't love me, you can forget it!' Lily stood abruptly, aiming towards the door.

The truth hit James hard in the face. 'She does love you, you stupid idiot, stop her!' he thought desperately. His heart was thumping so loud he thought she would hear it. 'Lily I…' but she wasn't listening. 'Lily, please I….' She was running towards the door. She needed to get away from him! James stepped in front of her. He had to stop her leaving! 'Lily please, don't leave me…. I love you'. Lily stopped. She looked at James straight in the eyes. 'Lily I love you'. He said again. He stepped towards her and pulled her into his arms. He kissed her tenderly on the lips. Lily moved closer to him, holding him as tightly as she could. After what seemed like ages they stepped apart a little. James grinned at her and Lily beamed back at him. 'Lily' James was still grinning. 'Yes'. Lily was still beaming. 'Will you go out with me?' They both laughed. 'Yes James, I will'. James pulled her to him again and kissed her firmly. As they kissed they knew were both thinking exactly the same thing. 'YES!'

The next day James practically skipped down to breakfast. He hadn't had much sleep. Dreams of Lily had kept waking him up all night. He could still hardly believe that she loved him and they were going out. When he got back from patrol the night before, Sirius was already asleep and James didn't feel like waking him up to tell him what had happened between him and Lily. He hadn't told him when he woke up either. He wanted to see how Sirius would react when he saw them together at breakfast.

After all the excitement of last night James kept smiling to himself. Sirius noticed straight away and kept asking if he was all right, but James just shrugged, nodded and then broke out into smiles again. 'Prongs, it's starting to look weird now, you sitting at the breakfast table, smiling at everything' Sirius muttered, but James didn't care. He was happy. Then Lily came to the table, sat opposite James, and began to smile in the same way. Sirius looked at the pair of them. Something was definitely going on. 'All right you two, what is it?' he asked suspiciously. James and Lily looked at each other and went on smiling. 'Nothing' they responded, in unison. Sirius shook his head. Don't give me that, what have you done?' Now James looked at Sirius. 'Padfoot, mate, what on earth makes you think we've done something?' he said, looking as innocent as he could, but his eyes were shining. 'Well now, let me think…' Sirius was determined to get to the bottom of this, but they weren't going to help him! 'It might be something to do with the fact that you've had a daft grin on your face all morning, and now Lily is sitting here grinning in…..'

Sirius stopped in mid-sentence. 'Now wait a minute……' He seemed to be thinking something through. He looked at Lily and James closely. Then his face took on a puzzled look. 'When?….How?...You've got together haven't you? Well, haven't you!' He was laughing now. His dog-like laugh echoing down the hall. 'Yes' the two replied, again in unison. 'But how did that happen?' Sirius was confused now. He knew they had become closer lately, but this! This was unbelievable! 'Actually Sirius, it was your doing, yours and Professor Slughorn's'. Lily said. She laughed when both Sirius and James looked at her incredulously and cried 'Slughorn!' Lily nodded happily. 'James, it was Sirius who asked me if I would come and see you in the Hospital Wing.' She looked at Sirius gratefully. He smiled and shook his head. 'But it was Professor Slughorn who made me realise I love you'. Lily blushed. She hadn't meant to say that in front of Sirius!

James leaned over and gripped her hand. 'But Lily, Slughorn?' he cried incredulously, pulling a face. Lily smiled. She knew James didn't like Professor Slughorn very much. 'Yes James, Slughorn. I realised I love you when you shouted at me that day after your accident with the potion'.

James couldn't believe it. She'd loved him for weeks and he didn't realise! He was definitely still an idiot! 'But Lily, we had patrol together that night, remember?' She grinned now. 'Yes James, but you were so busy telling me you were going to stay away from me from now on, I couldn't get a word in edgeways. Besides, I could hardly turn round after you'd said that and say 'but I love you' could I? That would have sounded really pathetic'.

James looked sheepish now. 'Yeah, that's true I suppose. But McGonagall told me that the only way you would notice me was if I left you alone, so I did' then he grinned at Sirius, 'But you sorted us out didn't you, you're brilliant mate!' Sirius grinned ironically. 'Thanks for the credit, but the person you should be thanking is Dumbledore – he told me to ask Lily to come and see you…' Sirius laughed again. 'You know, I reckon Dumbledore has been playing Match Maker all year. I mean Prongs, he made you Head Boy and you weren't even a prefect, and he made you Head girl Lily, didn't he?' Lily nodded, catching on to what he was saying. 'You don't think he….he wouldn't, would he?' James and Sirius laughed. They realised that a number of events and people had conspired to get James and Lily together – and it had worked!


	11. The Omega and the Alpha

**CHAPTER 11: THE OMEGA AND THE ALPHA**

The remainder of the school year passed peacefully. The 7th years sat their NEWT exams in the spring so they didn't have time for much else until the exams were over. James, Lily and Sirius did most of their revision together.

James applied himself to his schoolwork like never before. Even Lily, who was naturally academic, thought he was overdoing it. He told her that he had told his parents he wanted to be an Auror and so he needed good grades. He was determined to do well in his NEWTs.

Sirius panicked at the thought of the impending exams and spent the last few weeks of term trying to learn most of the last year's work. Lily gave him a lecture on how he should have been working hard for ages, but he just smiled and said 'But how would I have had time to attend to all my lady friends if I'd been stuck in the library with a book?' Lily rolled her eyes in mock dismay and went back to her revision. She was finding it hard to concentrate. Every so often James would look up from his notes and smile at her. Lily would then forget what she had just been revising and would have to start again. She knew she would get more done in the library but she preferred trying to revise with James to being alone with her books.

Lily and James continued to grow closer. They still had to do patrols in the evenings as part of their Head Boy and Girl duties, but when they were done they spent hours in their own Common Room. Sirius joked that no one revised until that late at night. Lily grinned at him wickedly, 'Who says we were revising?' James and Lily roared laughing when Sirius blushed. He was still adjusting to Lily and James being a couple. He was pleased for them and got on well with Lily, but their new relationship was still a bit strange for him. He was just pleased to see James happy again and if Lily was part of that, it was good. He knew they were suited. He had already volunteered to be Godfather to their first child. It was Lily's turn to blush that time. James replied for both of them, 'Shut up you idiot, we've only been going out for five minutes!' But even as he said it, Sirius could see that James knew his future was with Lily. They belonged together.

One day just after the exams were over, Dumbledore appeared in the Gryffindor Common Room. Dumbledore usually stayed in his office unless it was meal times, when he could be found in the Great Hall. Sometimes he would be seen in the grounds, enjoying the view across the lake, or leaving the school to attend to business.

He didn't go to the Common Room very often. He came straight over to James, Lily and Sirius, who were enjoying a leisurely break after the stresses of the exams. 'Good afternoon you three' he spoke amiably. 'Good afternoon Professor Dumbledore' the three replied, exchanging glances. What could Dumbledore want? Then he looked at James. 'I wonder Potter, might I have a word?'

James nodded feeling uneasy. He remembered the last time Dumbledore had called him out of a lesson. That time he had told him that his parents had been murdered by the Death Eaters. What could this be about?

James followed Dumbledore out through the portrait hole and down the corridor. Dumbledore stopped so suddenly James almost walked into him. 'Er, sorry Professor' he said, stepping back quickly. Dumbledore turned towards him and smiled kindly. 'Potter I have something for you. I'm very sorry, it is something that should have been returned to you weeks ago, but the Ministry only just sent it, or rather _them_, to me'. James didn't have a clue what Dumbledore was talking about. He hadn't lost anything, how could the Ministry of Magic have anything he had lost? Dumbledore rummaged around in the pocket of his robe and pulled something out. He held whatever it or _they_ were, in his fist. He held out his fist for James. James reached out, his hand open a little. Dumbledore dropped three rings into James's open hand. James looked down and recognised the rings immediately. His heart raced and his throat burned a little. 'Professor, these are my parent's…' Dumbledore nodded. 'Yes James, these are your parent's rings. Your mother's engagement ring and both your father and mother's wedding rings are there'. James was stunned. 'But Professor, how...?' Dumbledore looked sad. 'Well now, it appears that the Ministry found the rings when they were investigating the….well, the attack. They kept them and probably forgot they had them. We all know, I think, how efficient the Ministry is' Dumbledore raised his eyebrows ironically. James smiled lightly. He had something that belonged to his parents at last! He felt sad and elated at the same time. Dumbledore continued to speak, 'I thought it right that the rings were returned to you Potter. You may find you can use them again one day'. James definitely noticed this time that Dumbledore winked at him before he turned and walked regally down the corridor.

James held the rings firmly in his hand. Then he slipped them into his trouser pocket and went back to the Common Room.

The day finally came for the 7th years to leave school. James didn't quite know how he felt about that. Hogwarts held so many memories for him that it would be strange not to come back again. He hoped that one day a child of his might come to Hogwarts, but he knew that would be years away yet. He hoped too that any child of his wouldn't have to go through the trauma he had experienced this year. He hoped that his children would grow up in a world where filth like Voldemort would be stopped.

James was outside now, by the lake, waiting for Lily. He had asked her to meet him there. He needed to talk to her. He felt warm inside when he thought of Lily. He sometimes had to pinch himself to realise she really was his girlfriend and she really did love him. He had loved her for so long, it seemed impossible to think she would ever love him in return. In spite of all that he had been through this year, James honestly felt that he had never been happier in his life. He loved Lily, he would always love her. In spite of that, he suddenly felt nervous. He could see Lily in the distance.

Lily made her way to the lake. James had asked her to meet him there. In spite of herself Lily felt anxious. She was convinced something was wrong. James seemed perfectly happy, if a little distracted, but Lily was sure something bad was about to happen. She felt sick. She was certain James was about to break things off with her. She was sure he was about to say he had realised that he didn't love her any more, that he'd never really loved her and it was over. Lily hoped she wouldn't cry. That would look pathetic. Lily could see him now, on the bank of the lake. She was suddenly nervous. She shook herself. She wanted to get this over with. She went over to him.

'H-hi Lily' James spoke. His mouth felt dry. 'H-hi James' Lily still felt sick. They kissed lightly and pulled away. 'Let's walk' said James, trying to calm down. Lily wanted to get this over with. 'I'm sorry James, can we just do this? I've got things to do'. She knew she sounded sharper than she meant to, but she couldn't stand this much longer. 'Er.…yeah….all right'. James couldn't understand why she was in a hurry, but never mind.

James stood staring at Lily, trying to decide how to do what he had to do. He decided that it was better just to say it. He coughed nervously. Lily looked up at him. He could see she looked anxious. Surely she didn't have that much to do! Lily was the most organised person he knew! He was definitely just going to say it. He coughed again. 'L-lily, w-will you m-marry m-me?' He looked her straight in the eye. Lily gaped. Surely he hadn't just said…..'What?'…he couldn't possibly have just asked…. James swallowed hard before he spoke again. 'I asked if you would marry me…er, please?' he repeated. Lily felt dizzy. 'B-but you mean you're not breaking things off with me? You're really n-not breaking things off with m-me?' Lily was nearly in tears.

James couldn't believe this. She couldn't possibly have thought…..'What in the world made you think that? Oh Lily, you must know by now how much I love you, why would I do that?' he exclaimed in disbelief. He realised now why she had been in such a state. Lily almost sobbed with relief. 'I-I j-just thought w-when y-you…..oh James I do love you!' Lily threw herself into James's arms. He kissed her on the lips, his kiss conveying everything he felt for her. They pulled away and found they couldn't take their eyes off each other. After a moment James spoke again. 'Lily, I asked you a question. Will you?'

Lily suddenly grinned at him. 'I think James, I should give you a short lesson in how to propose the way Muggles do it'. James smiled at her. He was sure she was being funny with him! 'Oh really, go on then', he decided not to spoil her fun. Lily's eyes were shining at him as she spoke. 'In the Muggle world James, it is customary for the man to go down on one knee to ask a lady that question'. James shook his head. She was definitely being funny…or was she? He felt worried now. 'On one…?' Lily grinned. He was clearly confused! 'Yes James, on one knee'. 'But Lily….' Lily looked at him in mock annoyance. 'On one knee James'.

James shook his head, but all the same, he got down on one knee. 'There now, isn't that much better?' Lily grinned again. James nodded dumbly. He couldn't work out why standing on one knee was better than standing up properly, but she appeared to be pleased. 'Now James, you may ask the question again'. Lily's heart started to thump madly. She stopped grinning. 'I can?...…Good'. James suddenly felt very serious, as if his whole life depended on this moment. 'Lily will you marry me?' he stood on one knee, which he was having difficulty with now. He was shaking, waiting for her to reply.

Lily looked down on him. She knew she would cry in a minute. She was shaking. 'Y-yes James, I will'. The world seemed to stand still for James…'Oh OK then, if you don't want….you will?' he could hardly believe what she had said. Lily nodded, tears sprung into her eyes. 'Y-yes James, I w-will!' She swallowed the tears back with a gulp. 'You really mean it?' James still couldn't take it in. 'Yes James, I really mean….' James leapt up and pulled Lily to him so quickly he nearly knocked them both off balance. He kissed her so tenderly it nearly started Lily's tears again. Then he pulled away. She could see his eyes were sparkling. They appeared to be almost dancing in his head. 'I thought maybe next year….we'll both be 18 this year, and I thought that by this time next year we'll be 19 and….Lily you said yes!' He still couldn't believe it. 'Next year sounds fine to me James. Yes, I said yes. I love you James Potter'. Lily knew as he kissed her again that she did love him. She would always love him.

James slipped a ring on her finger. 'Lily I can buy you a new one if you like, but this belonged to my Mum and now I want you to have it. I've got Mum and Dad's wedding rings too…' Lily gasped at the diamond ring on her finger. 'This is beautiful James. I don't want a new ring. This one is beautiful; the wedding rings will be perfect.' Lily kissed him. They turned and walked back to the castle hand in hand, ready to begin their new life together.

THE END

A/N Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed so kindly. Those of you who just read, please review, it does my ego the world of good! For those who asked for a sequel, it's being written as we speak. I just don't want to submit it until it's finished.


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